Villas & Motorbikes

Snuggled in a nest of blankets in the back of a red van, sitting atop suitcases and bags (and a motorbike) I drove out of Germany, into Austria and finally crossed the border into Italy. Rafael, the villa owner, came and picked us up to bring us up the mountain to the villa. As I gazed upon the hills and valleys of Tuscany, it made me think back to 3 months ago when I was biking to work, wondering what I was going to do with my life. Surprise! Here I am, creating a new pool of memories and emotions to dive into when I am older. We finally arrived at the villa on Saturday afternoon after road tripping for 2 days. We were beyond exhausted! We are situated at the very top of the mountain (Italian mountain, mind you.) and the view is spectacular. There are other parts of the villa below us and if I want to go swimming or use internet, I have to take a 10 minute hike to get back home! After settling in, I found myself very glum and I just wanted to cry. This confused me since I had held Italy in my thoughts as some sort of magical dream, not something I would ever attain but something I could pull out and examine in detail and wonder, letting my imagination ebb and flow. But instead of feeling completed in my joy of a dream come true, I felt empty. I was seeing Italy with my eyes, but my heart did not respond to it. I walked down in the fading light to an internet accessible area of the villa and Skyped with my mom. It was pitch black outside and my feet were frozen, but I was happier than ever. She cheered me up and comforted me and I am grateful. I showed her the "villa kittens" that are running around everywhere and she told me funny stories to get a smile on my face and also gave me advice on how to see my struggles in new perspectives. I have a truly marvelous mother. She picks me up even when she's falling down. That is a selflessness I pray I will give back to others. The following morning, after telling myself it was going to be a good day, various people began to arrive and fill up the rooms. It is always tricky meeting people and figuring out how much English they know. I can't exactly carry an intelligent conversation in German yet, though I have improved a vast amount from when I arrived! Sunday afternoon was the highlight of my stay here so far. I got geared up in boots, pants, suspenders, jacket, neck protecter, gloves and helmet and basked in the glory of feeling "cool." You all know how difficult that is for me. The man who I was riding with was the designer of the bikes so his signature was etched into all the bikes. I felt excitement rising as I climbed onto the seat and held on tight. The rush of energy that went through me as he started the engine continued to rise as we began down the long hill to the roads below. Once we got through a few towns we began to climb a curvy mountain. The twists and turns and revs of the engine slapped a grin on my face that ached as my cheeks pushed against the sides of my helmet. I literally couldn't stop smiling! The rush of the wind, the rush of the beauty surrounding me, the rush of thinking, "I'm motorbiking through Italy with a super cool guy" and the rush of gripping tightly to the bike as we zoom around the constant curves and wondering if I am going to fall off and die. Today I start a new week and my prayer request is that I would seek and find good perspectives in my day. I am struggling with sadness and I miss you all very much. I would not change where I am for the world, but sometimes I am thrown off guard by what truly brings me joy. Joy does not always come from those big dreams you grew up fantasizing about. Sometimes joy is that short conversation with someone you love. At the end of it all, love is always first. It always has been and it always will be.