Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men.

Though it would be far too easy for me to talk talk talk away the past month that I have not written about, that seems slightly irrational so instead I decided to write about whatever pops into my head regardless of when it happened. For instance, I have planned out my Friday mornings to bike to Holland and have my Bible study in a cafe along the border. My reasoning is that it's a 2 hour trip both ways so I get my daily exercise, I can speak English with the super cool waiters there since I speak zero Dutch, and I can have the delicious liquor they bring out with my coffee. This week I begin biking to school 3 times a week again. I got a new bike and I really hope no one breaks my lock and steals it this time. I took a train with Devan to the Frankfurt Airport deathly early on Sunday morning. As we stood at the base of the escalators and said our goodbyes, the past month of her stay rushed through my head and I couldn't help but smile despite the sadness. Once I turned and walked away, 2 or 3 tears slipped out as I succumbed to being by myself again. It truly is a curse and a blessing. It's one of the healthiest choices I have made for myself, to step out and be in more solitude with my thoughts and weigh out choices and actions with my own judgement, but it's also necessary for people to have other people in their life. I have to find that balance in my life as I get older. My relationship with God has been a struggle for me this past month. I have pulled away from the intimacy the Lord gives and I have lost some vigor in my growth and knowledge of God. I tend to think it comes from selfishness. When I get wrapped up so tightly in the world and everything around me, I lose sight of Jesus. I lose sight of the truth that none of my good or bad actions lead me to or away from him. He was, is and will be with me forever. But even then, I feel the weight of my sin, I feel the death that stalks me. The creation is groaning, waiting for God. Every muscle, every bone, every fiber of being ache with worldliness, reek of humanism. Veins pulse with unearned blood. Weary of movement yet afraid of stiffening and shriveling, heaving burdens through each curtained day, revealing a host of scars and stains through the veil of the visage. In other words, realizing the weight of my sin really hurts! It's drastically humbling and makes redemption so beautiful. I really miss the snow and chilly air that only Alaska can satisfy me with. I am insanely jealous, despite the cold temperatures. That I will never be jealous of! I always remember trying to start my truck at 5:30am, wrenching the key with both hands and still not being able to turn it on! I simply cannot miss those sorts of things. I do dearly miss the outdoor wilderness though. I miss hiking into the mountains and having no sounds around me. How I miss it! I want to hike so badly! I definitely enjoy the rain here though. It is lots of fun! Each raindrop in a kiss on my face, sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my nose!!! Sometimes it even hails and I love the strong winds. So let me go now to some brighter notes about my life! I am actually having a grand day so I should stop writing about struggles. I have so many blessings! Devan and I went to a town called Aachen and I am in love with it. We had cake and coffee at the oldest cafe in the city (and this city is oooold) and there were stairs and curves and all sorts of crazy designs going on! It was cramped and cozy and oh so cultural. I fell in love. We visited a beautiful church and saw some sculptures of Charlemagne. When we biked to the Netherlands, I was reminded of Alaska. We biked down a windy road that was surrounded by forests, and randomly a small cottage would pop into sight but it was so wild looking that I didn't want it to end! Belgium was fantastic. Devan and I did not see the famous statue but decided we didn't need to since we saw a billion replicas in every store. We had such fun strolling through all the small streets, eating samples of chocolates and pastries, learning about monk made beer and peering into numerous lace shops. So pretty! Devan found an entire store of miniatures. I could have created a mini life. I oohed and awed at everything in sight for quite some time. I was enamored! We accidentally wandered through a sketchy part of town. There was not a white person in sight and the roads were creepy and dark. So that was thrilling of course. We met some cool people and it was fun hearing all the French again! I love listening to it. Devan recognized some words and we enjoyed hearing everyone around us. I had a wonderful birthday/new year by the way! All the friends I met from our Juist vacation came to celebrate and there were piles of streamers, piles of food, plenty to drink, and dancing dancing dancing!!!!! More fun than dancing was watching everyone else dance. Soooo fun!!! I had a ball. We drank champagne while the fireworks went off around town and I wore a gold lacey dress and sparkly shoes that Devan was so kind to lend me. They looked like dorothy shoes except pure gold!!! Naturally I felt like a princess. Homework is currently beckoning to me so I must be up up and away.