Carried Away

"God wants us to trust him with abandon. Walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God takes great faith. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different than you. But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if he doesn't come through." - Francis Chan


The last few weeks I've been questioning God big-time on my purpose here in Germany and how I should proceed with my life. All the usual things... wanting to know if I should study german or if I should go home, or if I should go off to college in the states, or study in English somewhere in Europe, etc etc etc. I was praying pushy prayers and trying so desperately to receive a direct path with the end in view. I admit, even now, I want to know. I want to know if I will stay here or not and if my purpose is here or not. But I sometimes highly underestimate how big God is. How much bigger his eyes are than mine. How much greater his purpose is than mine. How he will not stop the work he started in me, and I don't have to try and find what to do because he will lead me there. My job is to follow him in faith. Oh how I wish living the truth was as easy as believing it. 


What struck me today was this: Amidst all the questions whirling in my head, amidst all the homesickness and loneliness, amidst the laughter and the tears, amidst the experiences that fill me with culture or just leave me wanting Alaska, this is what I know: God wanted me out of my comfort zone. He wanted me to leave everything familiar to my heart and soul except him. He wanted me to see that I don't need a single item if I have him. I lived a comfortable life and I liked it. I love my family and I lived with my family. I love to dance and I danced almost every day. I love to sing and I sang constantly with my sister. I love church and I stayed involved with my church. I love a good old steady work schedule and I worked steady hours each week. I was living a comfortable life and I had a comfortable relationship with God. I loved him and I served him but I never put myself out of my comfort zone for him. I worked in the areas I knew and liked. I knew the Lord only as deeply as I knew my comforts. He was not my ultimate comfort. Oh how that has changed. He has deepened my need for him and in turn, my love for him. I'm beginning the journey to actually knowing the Lord, in an intimate way I have never known before. He is helping me set my eyes on him and on eternity. On what truly matters. When he returns, I don't want to see him and shrink back in fear, dreading the words 'I never knew you.'
"And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming." 1 John 2:28


I want to live a radical life for him all my days and take the steps that Jesus took, live the life that Jesus lives, just like he commands. I cannot pretend anymore that my life is about me. It's not about what makes me "happy" whatever that even means. It's about bringing God glory. If he called me to never go back home again, would I trust him? I cannot ignore those sorts of questions anymore. They are forever in the forefront of my mind. If I'm falling deeper in love with my Saviour with each passing day, I should be giving more to him with each of those days because the more in love you fall the more you want to sacrifice. He sacrificed absolutely every part of himself. Will I? 
"Through him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name." - Hebrews 13:15


Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my family in Venlo, Holland. We took a drive into the city and walked around a bit. The buildings are so fascinating to me! It was my first time seeing where we crossed the border since usually I am biking through the woods. We ate delicious french fries and soft ice cream. It was my first time being in a city in Holland. Usually I only bike to a few smaller towns along the border so it was very exciting! On Friday we went to a carnival in Erkelenz with the kids and that was a blast. I got a little bit scared on the ferris wheel, but before you scoff I would just like to say it was very big and it twirled! The kids were simply darling and it brought back so many fair memories from when we went on all the rides together. Saturday was spent at a park/zoo in a town called Jülich and I saw wolves, peacocks with babies strutting through the streets, wild boars, and even baby goats which made me realize I would really truly love to have a baby goat named Peter Pan who stays tiny and adorable forever and ever. We wandered through some underground tunnels in a castle/moat and the kids attempted to scare me around every dark corner. We went down big slides with our jackets wrapped around our waists so we would go at the speed of light. It was frightening. When we got home, we drove over to a friend's house and watched the football game against Portugal. It was the fastest game I have ever seen played. There feet are like blurs! And the noise driving home of all the cars honking (Britta included!) and people yelling victory cries was quite amusing! They've sure got spirit. 


The kids saw the youtube video "Threw it on the ground" or whatever it's called and have been a bit obsessed with it. Jojo woke up this morning, walked down the stairs and as she entered the kitchen, instead of saying good morning she said, "Hey Karly, throw it on the ground!!!" to which I replied, "happy birthday to the ground!!!" And that was our good morning greeting. 


I rode to school in a rainstorm and it was glorious but then the entire class I was freezing and the way home was really quite cold. I should really bring extra clothes from now on! My bed is calling my name and it's becoming harder and harder to ignore. Let the love of Christ transform your life and carry you away into his arms for eternity!!!