Choice

My chest bears a weight that pours into my mouth when I think of home. Be still, oh my soul. Find rest in the arms of Jesus. My days have been roller coasters! I have the choice each morning to be one with my joys or my pains. Adjusting to someone else's life is harder than I imagined. I had a victory yesterday. I attended a home group bible study and got to be surrounded by a wonderful Christian family! They have 4 children, (3 boys and 1 girl) and their house is crazy, messy, fun and so full of love! I felt automatically at home. It was my first time meeting and hanging out with someone since I have been here. It felt so good. It helped me realize that this could be one of the greatest and most memorable experiences of my life. It's harder to realize that during most of my days here. This evening I watched Mamma Mia with the family and we snuggled up on the couch and sang along to all the songs. For the first time since being here, I felt at home and I was genuinely enjoying myself. I wasn't on edge, wondering if I was doing everything right, I wasn't thinking about the soul ache I have from missing mom, I wasn't worrying about getting my visa, finding the right German class, registering, getting a bank account, etc etc. My soul found a quiet time and I reveled in it! Praise God for another victorious moment. The middle girl had a wonderful birthday on Thursday afternoon. She wore the beaded purse necklace I gave her and pranced around the house, dancing on the counters, being her usual crazy self. She reminds me of Shannon sometimes. When I was reading with her during bedtime I noticed that she had put one of my mailing address labels on her nightstand. I smiled. I enjoy being cherished. Saturday morning I bought some buns from the bakery then came home and made scrambled eggs with the girls while we listened to the Mamma Mia soundtrack and danced and sang to all the songs. The girls LOVE the movie and the middle girl jumped on the counter (no surprise there...) and began to rock out to "Dancing Queen." Saturday was a good morning. Later that afternoon, the parents both left for the weekend and thus began my first night with the kids alone. I was not scared but I hoped very much to not disappoint when they came back. The little boy managed to fall asleep with only a few tears and I even had an hour to myself in the morning to speak with mom! The kids came peering around the corner at 8am and got to meet my mom on Skype. Having her see and talk to them made me realize what a gift I have been given to care for these children. On Sunday afternoon we baked cookies together which was a very messy but outrageously fun time! I can now empathize with mom when she ranted about the mess of baking with small children. I had an adventuring day earlier on Thursday. I bought a train ticket to an unknown destination and waited to see where it would take me. I ended up walking in Nord Park which is now one of my favorite places here. It is spectacular. Beyond spectacular. There is not a word to describe the beauty. The amount of green fields and massive trees make me very happy indeed. My eyes grow tired from gazing at everything around me! My feet grow weary from walking as long as they will take me. I was brave enough to venture into the big city area and as I was walking a man hollered at me and began to follow me. I kept my cool and conversed with him politely but after a few minutes a bit of panic began to set in and I felt slightly helpless so in my desperation I told him I had a boyfriend and he needed to not waste his time on me any longer. He then replied, "Oh, girl you like needs good man like him, yes yes you do. Very good." That was the last I saw of him and I was thankful although a small part of me felt bad for lying. I took a bike ride along the River Rhine yesterday and the majesty of the Lord surrounded me. Such a different beauty fills this land than what fills Alaska. God created different parts of the land so uniquely, just like he created people so uniquely. I sat down on a rock wall overlooking the river and the wind was blowing so hard, I couldn't hear anything that wasn't right next to me. Assuming everyone else was experiencing that same problem, I started singing. I sang to Jesus in the midst of his beauty and I was filled with peace. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. Tomorrow night I will most likely get the chance to attend a different home group bible study through the same church. I am very excited. There are a lot of words on my "worry list" right now and my request to you is that you would pray for me as I attempt to let tomorrow worry about itself, and know that the Lord knows my every step before I take it. (Psalm 139) There are bright shining moments that peek out from the clouds during my day. That is a gift, but the gift is a choice. Jesus offers me beauties but I must accept them. That is my choice. I pray that as the days continue, I would ALWAYS seek the Lord first, and let everything else be added to me. I will end with a few verses from Psalm 130 that struck my heart today. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."