Hopefully, hopefully hopefully!

"Thou art my life - I the brook, thou the spring. Because thine eyes are open, I can see; Because thou art thyself, 'tis therefore I am me."
-George MacDonald (Diary of an Old Soul)


I've always been a very confident person. I generally don't crumble down what I think to suit the fancy of others, but instead take pride in what I think and fight to make my points known. If anything, I have to take a step back and be more open to what others have to say. I know who I am and I know what I want. Usually. It's funny (and by funny I mean that it's actually not that funny) because the past 20 months or so, all of that stubbornness, confidence, and assurance dwindled and filtered out of me until I wasn't even sure what I thought about anything in the world, let alone myself. It was a smack in the face that I'd been living through my jaded eyes alone. I'll be honest, I love having confidence and I love knowing what I want! But the Lord has humbled my heart to recognize my daily task of opening my eyes to hear what he has to say and to what others around me have to say with an open mind.

I'm planning a weekend trip over Easter to a town in the north of Germany called "Rostock." I'll be staying with a family that I've never met, but have contact with through the ministry program leader that I've been talking to for the past 7 months or so. They'll be able to meet me and advice which Bible school I should attend as well as discussing the ministry options available in Germany that would suit my personality and strengths. I'm really excited to meet them and see how the Lord unfolds his plans. My tentative ideas at this point are to finish my year as an Au Pair, which will end December 2013. During that time, I will hopefully pass my German exam in May 2013 and have the ability to study here and to have a job. Once January 2014 hits, I'll hopefully begin Bible college immediately and study there until either the summer or another extra semester, totaling about a year. This will prep me to work in any sort of outreach or ministry here in Germany, where speaking the language would be very important, especially in Biblical terms. That said, studying the Bible in German would definitely be a challenge for me if I chose a German course! But isn't it crazy how the Lord leads every little step of our lives? At this point last year, I was struggling about whether I wanted to extend my stay as an Au Pair or go back home to Alaska. I had no idea what I wanted, and now I look back and see how much the Lord has done during that time and my mouth drops open. I never expected any of the things that have happened here. Any of them! Yes, there are still a lot of hopefullys in the next few years! Thankfully, that's where faith comes in, and it will not disappoint. I know that the best place to be is in His will, and that's where I am and where I will stay, through struggles and pains. And I'll come straight out and say that sometimes I really don't want to be in His will. All I want is to be out of it. But those are the moments that define your faith, whether it's a reality or a fanciful notion to make you feel good. There's something about Germany that touches my heart so deeply and unexplainably. The magic of newness never dies. My biggest hopefully is that the Lord will be to stay here for a good while yet.

Thanks to Robert, I'm embarking into the pages of a marvelous book! Here's a section in the beginning that I particularly loved.
"My hope is that we will all continue to struggle. We must never assume that we have arrived. Yet there is no virtue in sheer skepticism. We look with a jaundiced eye at those who are always learning but never coming to a knowledge of the truth. God is delighted with men and women of conviction. Of course, he is concerned that our convictions be according to truth."