I put my cozy, wool socks from Italy on, painted my nails black and straightened my hair and now I've snuggled myself into this desk chair to write about anything and everything. I have the entire afternoon free this Saturday and I'm going stir crazy. I've been sick all week and being calm was so annoying. Now other than a stuffy nose, my old self is back and I feel like jumping out into an ice cold ocean or running through a jungle or something crazy that doesn't involve being at home drinking tea. Not that I don't love drinking tea while reading a good book...but I'm bubbling over with the want of something bright and fun. I want to go out dancing or take a run along the Rhine or even jump into the Rhine! And somehow this evening finds me completely alone in my room. At this desk. So I will write. I have to continuously learn that life brings you what you usually don't expect and quite often what you don't particularly want. I have a day that I don't actually want and I'm trying to solve that problem. My hair feels soft and smooth and my nails make me think of Boogie and my feet are warm and snuggly, but it's just not cutting it. What can cut it though? Will these words slice right through my dissatisfaction? I don't think they will. Instead I will let my thoughts wander onto this screen and let the minutes slip away as I drift into the world of words. Sometimes it's hard to delve deep into my purest, untouched thoughts. The ones no one invaded and wrapped their opinion around. The pure thoughts surprise me. They are light from the lack of weight of pre-concieved ideas. Because then I am one layer. No opinions wrap me up. I fear entering that place where all is accepted but never penetrates the heart or sparks the tingling inside your body. Emotion is scary. It's embarrassing and it's dramatic. It can be laughed at or scoffed at and it can be confusing to some and clear to others. Emotion is something greatly feared but greatly desired. I cannot deny emotion in my life, and not only because I am young and growing and learning. But because it's untouchable in it's purity. It sits on the floor of our hearts and explores it's way through our soul. It pours out through our eyes, comes out from our voices, and exudes from our bodies. Emotion brings both deep pain and bright joy. And if you haven't noticed yet, I'm quite at ease with being emotional!!!
My mind is turning now to some exciting facts from the past week. I'd been pondering what I'd do for Christmas this year. December is when I'm done being an Au Pair and my initial thought was to start directly with Bible School here in Europe. But then I wanted to see my family over Christmas and then I spoke with my engaged sister who might be getting married in April or May 2014. And then I figured that'd be quite dumb to be flying back and forth from Alaska to Germany and also impossible to afford. And also it's not nice if I fly down just for the wedding and I wouldn't really feel like a part of it. Sooooo I'm contemplating coming home for Christmas (Joe said they'd pay for me!!!!!) and then staying until the wedding so I can be 100% involved in the wedding, spend quality time with my family and save up money for school. Then I'd go back to Germany in the summer or fall to start school. I'm not sold on this plan yet, but it's been lurking in my mind and I'd love prayer about it!!! Being home would be a blessing for me but also hard. But then knowing that I'd be returning to Germany at a specific time would be nice so I wouldn't get too sad. Another prayer request is for my German test. I'm taking it in June and I really want to pass!!! It's really challenging in school and I'm feeling confident but also knowing anything could go wrong so please keep me in your prayers over these next few months!
Well, this was one of my odder blogs. It's time for some music, some cooking and some wine! Tata for now!
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