Rambling makes for bad vocabulary. Entschuldigung.

Monmartre Str.
Sacre-Coeur Church
Place du Tertre
Moulin Rouge
Opéra National de Paris
Tuileries Gardens
Avenue des Champs-Elysees
Arc de Triomphe
Tour Eiffel
Les Invalides
Musée du Louvre
Notre-Dame Cathedral
Rue de Rivoli
La Défense
Du Château de Versailles
Fragonard Parfume Museum


Choosing my favorite is not an option. Each place brought different emotions and and different memories. I took a trip to Paris on a Russian tour bus. So yes, that most certainly brought a spark of excitement and oddity to the already wondrous prospect of traveling to Paris, France! My first hour in the city, I didn't even catch one glance of the Eiffel Tower and I began to get irritated thinking that it should be more obvious to see. But as I was walking down from Sacre-Coeur I glanced through a gate and there it was! Off in the distance, and hard to see through the mist from the rain but nevertheless, still in sight. Unfortunately, the woman in me came out and I began to cry. Such times are when I wish I had less emotion. Crying on the street because of some man made building is extremely pitiful. After recovering my sanity, I continued walking and basking in the art displayed through every corner of my vision. Gold. So much gold. Gold intermixed with dark and light stones, making it shine all the brighter in comparison. The whole time I walked through the streets, whether fighting the urge to say yes to the Frenchmen in berets asking to paint my portrait, studying the detail of the architecture, or taking in the smell of the rain and the sound of the city, I thought in my head, "Katie. Mom. I want them here with me." 
Later in the evening, Olga and I bought a bottle of champagne and took a train down to the Eiffel Tower. It was around 11pm and the lights of the city were sparkly and magical. Every so often, the Eiffel Tower would begin to blink and glitter. We found a lovely viewing spot, popped open the champagne bottle and enjoyed a glorious moment together! I truly will not forget that 30 seconds of my life. When we were getting close to finishing our champagne, some Frenchmen came up and asked us for drugs. Telling people to leave you alone in France doesn't seem to have much of an effect. After talking with them for a few moments (at least trying) we managed to escape. I actually found it very exciting because my mom always talked about her crazy Frenchmen stories and I was glad to experience it! Unfortunately, it only got crazier from then on. We walked around the city for quite some time, taking photos, being silly and wandering through the Christmas market buying cheese and chocolate and those sorts of goodies. There was an entire stand filled with cheese and they would shove slices of cheese into your welcoming hands to sample. I definitely sampled almost every kind so I was too full to pay for any. It's quite a convenient shopping method. Eventually, we decided to head to the Metro since our tour guide told us it closed at 1am. Under the city in the metro, there are those spinning security wheels (I don't know the name!) and you could not push through them unless you inserted a ticket. Well, I took a glance around, looked at Olga and said, "just do it." Her eyes got a bit wider, but then she obliged me and crawled under the security. I followed suit, then we looked at each other and began to laugh. No one even noticed us! We continued through the passageways and found the name of the area we needed to get to. The problem was, there was a giant gate shutting us out from the corridor. I looked it up and down for a moment (it looked exactly like the gates in Titanic!) then walked over and pressed a button on the wall. Yes, that was very stupid of me. The gate opened and we walked through to the other side. Then the gate closed on it's own. We walked to our railway track and waiting for a few minutes. We started to get nervous because no one else was waiting for this train. It was dark and quiet and a little bit frightening to be honest. A woman's voice came over the speakers and announced something in French. We almost freaked out but then she began to translate in English. Once we realized what she said we decided it was good to freak out. The trains had been shut down for the evening and we were officially stuck in the middle of Paris with no way of getting to our hotel, miles away. Thinking it couldn't get worse, we decided to get out of the Metro and into the city to consider our options. Walking back to the gate, I realized there was no button on this side of the wall. I stood there for a moment, then grabbed the gate and shook it for a few moments to calm myself. This seemed to make things worse though. We searched for exits to no avail. As we walked up some stairs I saw a sleeping bag with a man curled up inside it. I actually laughed because it fit so perfectly into our scenario. Trapped under the city of Paris in an empty, creepy and silent metro with dark passages and a homeless man in a sleeping  bag. Honestly. Finally we found a glass door and began banging and yelling for help. A few guys sauntered over and leered at us for a few moments before opening the door for us. Breathing in the fresh air everything felt better. We still had not solved the problem of getting to our hotel at 2 in the morning. The Lord blessed us with a kind older couple who spoke a little English, and the managed to find us a taxi amidst the endless honking of car horns and people shouting to keep moving. it was insane! Despite the money needed to pay for the taxi, we were so thankful to be safe and after the initial shock of the evening, we smiled about the Parisian memory we had just made together. Nothing will stick in your mind like creepy, locked Paris metros. All day on Sunday we walked through museums and my feel almost fell off. I saw so much breathtaking art that captured so much emotion, despite the stillness of the painting. After looking at the Mona Lisa for about a minute, I gave her a smirk and walked away to enjoy the many other pieces of art. 
I came home from my weekend in Paris and caught up on sleep for an entire week. It truly wore me out but in the best of ways. Now I am continuing my studies, working, and preparing for Christmas. I have had more glum moments in this past week then usual, but where are the swell times without some sad ones? At this moment, the wind is howling and the rain is pouring. I happen to love it. The sound of it on the windows lasted all through the night. It makes me feel extra snuggly in my bed. Then I start to miss Boogie because she would let me snuggle with her! I baked some cookies this morning and thought about how soon Devan will be here and how much culture she will be a part of. I am so excited for her. I miss a few things from the states and I will state them now, just for fun. I miss real brown sugar, good peanut butter, pumpkin pie, free bathroom usage, tap water, and almond milk. I realize that most of that is food related, but then again, what isn't food related? Food is just so great. 

Light as a Feather

This morning I sat down on the bottom stairs of the cellar and cried about nothing. I supposed it wasn't really nothing as my tears were slowly lifting the weight off my body. My thoughts were heavy as they trickled down my cheeks, cracking, drying, eventually disappearing. I prayed to the ultimate Comforter and he lavished his wealthy supply of grace onto me. Grace is like a snowstorm of feathers. Soft, full and light. 


Gereon and I turned of all the lights this evening and played hide and seek. He has a habit of sneaking up on me and scaring the living daylights out of me and my poor heart so I decided he needed a dose of his own medicine. If you can dish it you can take it! Unfortunately, my plan backfired, and he managed to be the world's best hider, forcing me to wander through the pitch black house searching for him, waiting for his scream or his hand to grab my shoulder. Somehow, a pillow fight commenced in the midst of the darkness and we had an intense duel before I had to accept defeat. I seem to have become quite the pro at accepting defeat since I have moved to Germany! I suppose a new country brings new challenges.


Jojo and I worked on her Christmas gifts this morning, which involved coloring a giant poster while listening to girly music on her stereo. We danced a bit and sang into a Nutella container. (genius idea, by the way, It smells much better than a hairbrush!) This evening she gave me a kiss and said, "I love you" before heading off to her bed. I turned back to the sink to wash some dishes and it took me a few moments to realize I was smiling. I love it when smiles sneak up on me like that. :)


Last night I was talking to a new guy in the class who moved from China to Sweden, where he lived for a year and learned some English. He has just arrived here and now is trying to learn German. I feel bad for him! Translating in his head from Chinese to English (what he knows of it) then to German is so confusing for him. At least for me, English is similarly structured to German. As we walked out of the class, I started to put my backpack on my bike when he asked me, "is that your bike?" and as I peered closer (it was pitch black by this time, so only the distant street lights were shedding a few strands of light) I noticed that it was definitely not my bike. I turned to the side to see where my bike was, and it simply was not there. This is about the point where I began to panic. The poor boy was trying to calm me down but I started pacing and thinking out loud, making another boy from my class walk over to see what was happening. Once I finally accepted that someone had stolen my bike, despite the fact that I had locked it, I turned my logic back on and called Britta. I managed to choke out the words, "I walked outside from my class and the bike is gone...I have the key and it just isn't here. I'm really freaked out." To which she immediately replied, "Okay Karly, Christoph will come and get you, don't worry." I said goodbye, and as I hung up the phone I thought about the kindness it must have taken for her to care about my safety after I just told her that her $600 bike was gone. After searching throughout the city, peering around at all the bikers, we went to the police, then I came home and apologized to Britta. When I went to my room that evening, I laid in my bed and cried as I thought of how the first thing she told me was that it wasn't my fault, as she gave me a big hug. Their grace truly came from the heart and I felt it. I am thankful beyond words and thank the Lord everyday in my prayers that I am with such an incredible family. Also, I just want to add some spice to this story...I have been sitting here in my room with my Christmas candles on and as I was writing about my bike tragedy, I heard Christoph come home from his guitar lessons and yell my name from the driveway. I looked out the window and he said, " I found the bike." I said, "wait!" then ran downstairs and opened the door, listening to him explain how the thief had not been able to undo the contraption that had locked around the spokes, so they returned it to where I had put it earlier! Crazy right? Christoph just happened to bike by my school on his way home to see if it was there, and it had indeed returned! I jumped up and down in my living room on the way back upstairs. Praise God! Oh, and good riddance to the thief who couldn't unlock the bike! 


All in all, today was a day where the good outweighed the bad, despite the quantity of bad I had during the morning. Being here brings me the best and worst of times. Oh, and guess what? I found the Christian friend I have been praying for. We are planning trips already! I attended a church last Sunday that was half German, half English. The praise songs that filled the room were spoken in different languages and made me more fully comprehend the glory of God and how he created all of our languages. "Every tongue, every tribe, every nation, every land, bringing honor, bringing glory, bringing praise unto the Lamb of God!" Amen to that! The entire sermon was in English with a German translator so I really learned a lot from listening to the back and forth translating. I definitely will be returning. :) Also, I received a lovely phone call from Olga that we are officially going to Paris together this weekend! We leave from Düsseldorf on Friday evening and come home on Sunday evening. We will have a hotel to stay in, a short tour on Saturday, and all travel fares for $69!!! Needless to say, I would be crazy not to be smiling this evening. 

The loveliness of being loved

This very evening I spoke German more comfortably than I have since being here. The entire evening I had conversation using almost entirely Deutsch. I still have so much to learn but it continues to make more and more sense in my head. I can follow what's going on instead of standing there thinking about random things while staring at the drink in my hand. Some of my thoughts are becoming German and now I am starting to combine English and German when I speak. Gut, aber nicht so gut... My last few weeks have been a struggle to catch up in my Deutsch class since I started almost two months late and I finally feel close to being up to par. Not being the best definitely inspires me to study! I enjoyed a marvelous St. Martin's Day walking through the streets of Wegberg with the children singing songs and holding lanterns. It was rich with culture and I soaked it in. My mouth was so sore from the constant smile on my face that I felt like Barbie! I met 3 other au pairs last weekend in a nearby city called Erkelenz where I take my classes and it was so lovely to speak "fast" English and be with other girls my age. Last Saturday I spent with Olga hanging out in Düsseldorf and we had such a grand time! After our fun day, we came back to my house and enjoyed a Germanized version of Thanksgiving with the family, their friends and the au pairs I had met the night before. It was a glorious evening! Lots of beer and not a pie in sight. This week I biked to school, which takes about 40 minutes. On the way back it was pitch black since my class ends at 19:30, and even with the bike light and my headlamp, I could still barely see a few feet ahead of me. I am biking through a few villages and lots of fields so there are not many lights. It was quite exhilarating. Also, I do not have the money to spend on new jeans and I have already gained about 10 pounds since being here so biking is good! My money is all for traveling right now. :) I returned home this evening from the town center where I enjoyed an evening of music, dancing and german speaking! Jojo had a choir performance and we watched while drinking the delicious, hot, holiday wine that comes during Christmas season. They set up an ice rink for the kids and while they played, we talked and danced to the live music. It was a grand evening! Jojo had a few friends over this afternoon and we played marvelous games including playmobile, where we helped each other with the German and English words for all the accessories, then we turned off the lights, turned on a few rotating blinking lamps and danced to some girly music. In the midst of that, we had a pillow flight. Everytime Jojo grabs my hand, hugs me, paints me a picture or snuggles up next to me, I feel so content. I love being loved. The honesty of children makes their gestures so much more meaningful. I love kissing them goodnight or rubbing their backs when they're tired. I simply adore both of them. The Lord has truly blessed me with an incredible family here. Next weekend I am planning a trip to Paris with Olga. I am extremely excited. This Sunday I might go to a Christmas market in Köln with Britta and Christoph which would be lovely! I need to get a few more gifts for my family. I have felt very torn lately about my life direction. I'm not rushed into deciding if I want to stay another year but it has definitely been on my mind a lot and I am confused. I miss everything about my home in Alaska but love everything about my home in Wegberg. One moment I want to cry and go home and the next I want to stay another year! Crazy right? This afternoon I was surprised to see my family on Skype at 4:30 in the morning. (14:30 for me.) I spoke to my mom and she told me she woke up to take Kevin to the Black Friday shopping. Seriously. Of all the woman in that house and my brother was the only one who wanted to get up early and go shopping. Plus he's crippled! I got a good laugh out of that. Sometimes I can really tell that he was raised in a prominently feminine household... My eyes are beginning to close on me. It has been a long week. As always, I love letters or even a quick email. I miss everyone. I enjoyed speaking with the lovely Kristen Olson today which made me smile and have renewed energy for my daily duties. :) I love her! Germany is still so warm I have used my winter coat only twice. I won't lie though, I miss skiing so badly. I am aching to get to the top of a mountain and just fly down it! Oh, some good news on the horizon for me... I am tentatively planning a venture to the land of the leprechauns in March for St. Patrick's Day. Maybe I will get to see the real way to celebrate the shamrock!

Time Soars By

Ten days. After that, I will no longer be a tourist. I will be an official resident in Germany! Hopefully with a visa to prove it. :) When my alarm wakes me up in the morning, my first thoughts as I open my eyes are heavy and filled with sadness. It's not for a particular thing, but a broad, empty weight that stretches across my soul. After a few moments it passes but I have started to dread the morning's first few minutes. I begin each new day with a prayer and the Lord is faithful and just. I am continually drawn near to Him and do you know what my favorite part is? I will spend my entire lifetime knowing God more. I will learn and learn and learn and STILL I will yearn to know Him more. In that moment when I put on the imperishable and lack the sting of death, I will come to be with my Lord for eternity, knowing Him more for the rest of time. What a glorious hope. I have been settling in more and more with each day. Learning new things, becoming more comfortable, and most of all, sculpting my surroundings to suit my fancy. Pulling towards me the sights and smells of home, the familiar sounds, anything and everything that will establish my life here. Slowly but surely, it will come. Friday afternoon, I was shopping with Britta in the grocery store and a song from the movie 'Spirit' came onto the radio and I began to cry. It wasn't obvious crying, but on the inside it was a good and satisfying cry. Katie listened to the Spirit soundtrack for about a year straight when she was younger and she performed a beautiful dance to one of the songs as well. It was then that I suddenly realized the depth of how much I miss my family. This Saturday I travelled to Bonn with the family and their last two au pairs. It was so much fun! We went to "Haus der Geschichte der Bundesrepublik Deutschland" which basically means House of German History. It was the history since 1945 and it took us 3 hours to see everything. I was enraptured the entire time. I had an English guidebook to read from and Christoph would also explain a lot to me since he had seen some of the things they were showing. I think it is so important to know the history of where you live and now I know! Although I am researching more on the internet because one day was not enough. There was a black room dedicated to the Holocaust that seemed to seep sadness out of each corner. I stood inside it for five minutes just looking and thinking. There were photos and there were names. And there were emotions. It was really intense for me. Yesterday I went on a bike ride with Christoph and the kids to a cute coffeehouse. I walked in and it was stuffed to the brim with tables and chairs. It was hot and there were "things" everywhere. I glanced up and saw knitted socks hanging from a clothesline on the ceiling. There were chalkboards every few feet along the wall and the fireplace had miniature cooking utensils hanging around it. Oh, and there was a cat lounging on a bench! Basically, it looked like mom's dream house. Most of all, it felt really cultural. It was so magical! I had a beer and reveled in the atmosphere. Christoph told me it was also a bed and breakfast so now I have the perfect outing to spend with DEVAN!!! :) As we biked home, we passed a field of cows and I noticed that one of them had a ring in his snout! I felt bad for the poor guy. There were lots of horses as well, and the fields are starting to develop a thin layer of frost every morning! I like that. Sunday evening, after our bike ride, I went inside and sat by the toasty fire to write letters. Christoph was playing Enya and I felt so relaxed and cozy. I was encompassed in the perfect atmosphere and I could not have been more content. I attended an evening service at the Catholic church and it was wonderful because I walked in the darkness of the town up to the main square where the church bells were ringing. I stepped away from the starry sky into a giant cathedral and listened to the organ and German hymns. I participated with my heart more than my words, that's for sure. Today I walked through the town and stopped in a few shops. I am getting better at understanding people!!! I usually am terrified when I walk in, but now I can communicate with a bit more ease. It's ever so wonderful. I found a cute little second hand store that has good clothes and nice prices too! The old man working there was so sweet and I was able to talk with him in German which was very satisfying. :) I bought a white lacy vest. It's very whimsical and I love it. I got it at a discount too! Tonight I am celebrating St. Martins with my family here. It will be a great cultural experience for me! They even insisted that I skip my Deutsch class because I would learn more from this evening with them. I will not argue! The kids will go door to door with their homemade paper lanterns and sing songs and get chocolate. I will be drinking hot wine and speaking Deutsch to the best of my ability. This is my first official German holiday! I am quite excited. I spent the afternoon cleaning my place and it got me very excited for when Devan comes to stay with me. I can't wait to show her all the beautiful places I walk and bike to, and also all the little shops and the places we can travel together. Oh, it will be amazing.

The Three D's

Destination, Determination, Deliberation....Deutsch classes. I sat at the table today and wrote the numbers 1-50 five times each and spoke them aloud each time. Might I just add that they are not short words either. Try writing, "siebenundswanzig" more than once and tell me how it feels. Then do 49 more. Even so, I still feel unproductive with my learning skills. I am behind in my class since I did not start until November and I don't have a book yet so I can't do homework. I am excited for the beginning to end so that I can feel more confident. I spent this afternoon baking cookies. I was very proud of myself for figuring out how to measure everything and decipher the temperature for the oven. I have missed making my cookies. The whole house smells absolutely divine! I have concluded that I will never bake cookies without eating too much cookie dough. It happens every time without fail. Yesterday I ventured to the library in Erkelenz, which is right next to the school and there is ONE small shelf in the entire four story library that is English! One! Even with my limited options, I found a delightful read about the 1920's and how people were trying to forget the war. I am excited. Here I come, 640 pages! I also picked up a book from the church library entitled "The Reason For God" by Timothy Keller and I cannot go one day without reading it. It is teaching me so much about why I believe in Christ. Here is one of the first things he wrote that stood out to me: "A faith without some doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it." Definitely give it a read, it is well worth your time. The days are getting colder here, even for me. The air is fresh, crisp and chilly. Every morning, the ground is enveloped in a thick misty layer that once lifted, leaves shining dots on the grass and pavement. I run or bike at 8:00 and I find it quite enthralling to go through. I paid a visit to my "family" from church last weekend. Right as I walked in I felt a wave of comfort rush over me as Julia pulled me into one of her amazing hugs. Being back in Düsseldorf where I began my venture, being back in this home with people who love me, being able to walk across the street and look out at the Rhine, filled me with fond memories and a coziness that settled inside my chest. It's not very explainable but quite extraordinary. This evening, after studying, I solved a puzzle. It's a box filled with shapes that have to be placed inside the square. Usually I detest those games because they seem impossible, but I conquered it and the feeling was a good one. Now I am going to read more of my 1920's book while the kids are playing with their friends. After that I will make dinner with Britta and then put the kids to bed while she goes to a conference. I feel a contentedness and a peace about where I am. My life here has started the "settling down" period (I think) and I am very grateful for it. My days are full but in a relaxed and structured manner. I am so blessed. My prayer request is for guidance with my Deutsch classes. I fear failure! Also, something that has been on my mind is considering staying longer than a year to continue studies in Germany. I am not making any decisions but it has been in my thoughts and I would appreciate prayer. As always, I miss everyone deeply and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am trying to stay updated with the sermons online! I would love to hear from you all. Tata for now!!!

Juist

Wow. My brain in exploding with information to write down! This past month has been entirely verrückt!!!!! Let me start from October 20th. Mr. Hartmann escorted me from the door of the villa through the thick sheets of rain underneath his umbrella to my ride home, which just happened to be a Ferrari. He opened the door for me and the moment I sat down I looked over and saw a button with the word, "Launch" right next to the emergency brake. I began to grin uncontrollably as we made our way down the mountain. Once we got to the autobahn I fell asleep but woke up suddenly to the sound of a loud motor. I blinked and looked out my window to a world of blurred greens and grays. Every few moments I could feel the car shifting gears and jolting us forward again. After I ripped my gaze from the window, I was pushed back in my seat by the force of our speed! Hello, 180 mph. :)


After that speedy adventure, we did not get another chance to go fast. The traffic was worse than my driver had expected and I began to worry I would not make the train I was hoping to make at 9pm in Frankfurt. Once I realized I would miss my train I called my family and asked them to find me another train but the only ones I could take left in the middle of the night. So my choice was to either inconvenience my family by having to drive to Erkelenz to pick me up at 4am or ask my driver who I barely knew to let me sleep at his house in Frankfurt. Awkward? I think yes. After telling him my dilemma, he thought for a few minutes and then told me he knew of a nice hotel right next to the Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof (main station) that he would pay for me to stay at and take a train the next morning. Obviously, I said YES! After he paid and dropped me off I realized it was past midnight and I had never eaten dinner. As I opened the hotel door into the streets of Frankfurt, the misty air hit my face and filled my lungs with it's crispness. I love cold air! I looked around for a cafe and my eyes found a few sleeping bags along the sidewalks. I tried not to stare as I walked to a small cafe for tomato mozzarella and a cappuccino. As I came back to my room, I walked very fast because the people walking around in the middle of the night looked so sketchy! I am sure it was because when it's dark, everything is scarier. But I wanted to live to see the morning so I booked it to my room. After 5 hours of sleep, I found another train in the morning and waited at the platform, wanting nothing except to finally be back home. My first train was late, which made me late to my other 2 connections and as I ran through the station of Düsseldorf with my suitcase and duffle bag past 15 platforms to get to my train, it literally began moving the second I pressed the open button. Heaving and wanting to fall down and cry, I hauled my bags to the side and began to look at the boards for another train to take. Within the next few hours I miraculously found 2 other trains and made my way home. HOME. I was home. Later that day, as I walked through my town, passing pools of water with ducks and goldfish, fields with horses and sheep, and cobbled streets with people biking and walking, I felt for the first time like myself. I felt happy! I was not just filled with short bursts of excitement and happiness from adventurous experiences, but I was honestly, whole-heartedly content. I like being home.


Saturday morning, I left with my family for a week in the North Sea on the island of Juist. After getting off the ferry onto the island, the weather was brisk and windy. There were no cars on this island, so you bike, walk or take a horse and buggy everywhere. I was in heaven! The island is small enough to walk across in a few hours, (although somehow I managed to get lost twice!) either along the beach or through the fields of horses and sheep. The sky looks so big when you're surrounded by ocean. I had magic, peace and beauty at every turn! I met wonderful friends of my family and we spent the week having fun together. While we were out shopping in town I noticed 2 kids with a double seated bike and the smaller kid in the back couldn't reach the pedals so he was pretend-pedaling through the air!!! Twas very amusing. I went for a few runs along the ocean during the week here, and as I ran through the wind, the ships drifted along the horizon and the sand danced along the shore. All the pain from my run slid off because the beauty that surrounded me was so breathtaking. Needless to say, I enjoyed my time on Juist and cannot wait to return again someday!


My family makes me feel comfortable and loved. I feel vibrant and true to myself. I am incredibly excited to see how everything unfolds in this next year. I attended a big family brunch last Sunday and met a majority of the extended family which was wonderful! The table was about 3 times longer than the average table and jam packed with food. It was truly a feast. I had 2 plates, 3 cups, 2 forks, 2 spoons, 1 knife, and a napkin. I smiled at the feast and thought, "Harry Potter." Really, I did.


This has been jumbled and crazy but so much has happened that I really cannot relate it all. I will conclude by saying that I am extremely blessed and I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes I still feel sad and I don't think that will ever go away, but I am confident that this is right where I should be. So here I am, sitting in my house with my new brother who likes chocolate and "moonwalk/Michael Jackson" dancing to jazz funk music!

Glimpses of Glory

Picture the longest table your eyes have ever laid sight upon. A table that spans the length of 2 normal sized rooms. Take that picture and add 25 people, lots of food, lots of wine and a lot of laughter. Guess what? I was in that picture and it was awesome. I was at the center of the villa with the entire group sharing a meal together. The cook served 5 different courses, starting with breads smeared with olive creams and other strange, but oddly delightful flavors. There were locally made bottles of wine placed along the table every few feet and sparkling water at the same intervals. The second course was a ravioli served with freshly grated parmesan. The third course came along in the form of freshly sliced bread with green salad tossed in homegrown olive oil and salt. It was divine. The fourth course brought fried potatoes with grilled meat that looked like turkey, but I chose not to ask. Finally, a giant platter of Tiramisu was brought from the depths of the kitchen into our presence and we basked in it's picturesque glory before digging into at least 2 helpings each. It happened to be the best tiramisu of my life. As if the 5 course dinner was not enough, I managed to make connection with 2 girls that were staying at the villa who speak German, Italian, and a little bit of English. It is beyond fascinating to discuss and learn the differences in languages. 

I went to a castle up in the mountains to attend a wine tasting! I have wanted to go to a wine tasting for quite some time and I am so thrilled I finally achieved that. The castle was absolutely spectacular and even though the man spoke German throughout the tour, Eva translated most of it for me. On top of making wine there, they also make olive oil from the trees around the castle. It tasted ever so lovely with the fresh bread it was drizzled over. So now I can officially say I have been to wine tasting, and in a castle at that! 

My time has been spent mostly at the racetrack this weekend. Seeing people "in their element" is quite amusing to me and I enjoyed observing the sights, smells and sounds that encompassed me. The mechanical smell of fuel, oil, tires and exhaust is absolutely divine to my nose. Listening to the revs of hundreds of motors and the buzzing of bikes passing by on the track is music to me ears! Seeing the different colors and shapes of all the motorbikes and seeing the different gear each person wears was also quite pleasing to my eyes. I found one that was all yellow. The entire bike and also the suit and helmet of the rider. I though of you, Kevin! Even though the days were long, I am glad I am more educated on the subject of motorbike racing. As we drove away for the last time, I looked back and I saw a cat sitting on a hill to the right of the road just relaxing, being a typical cat. I started laughing. Wild cats are normal in Italy, I suppose. 

While out shopping, I walked down a small street and entered into a tiny, cramped shop filled with candles, baskets and similar old people items. Somehow, I kept looking. I was sifting through some postcards with adorable paintings of children on them and the woman working there heard me say something to myself and immediately said, "If you need me to speak English, I can" which I thought sounded a bit eager, since I had not even spoken to her! But I turned around and said, "oh yes, I speak a little German, but mostly English, thank you." She then described to me that she is from the states and moved here to be with her Italian husband. I told her my story of how I came to be in Italy, and also in Germany. At that moment, her husband walked over to me. He started talking about how he had gone to the states to be with his wife and did not know any English but learned in 6 months simply because no one could speak Italian with him. I found that very encouraging! We talked for 15 or 20 minutes and they were completely charming! I found them to be absolutely marvelous. They brightened my day and I made sure to buy some postcards before I departed. 

Saturday afternoon, standing outside by the car waiting to leave for the racetrack, I looked down at my feet to admire my new Italian shoes (only 10euros!) and I rested my eyes upon a pear. I thought to myself, "Hmm, there is a pear on the ground. How odd. I must investigate." I glanced above my head and behold, there was a tree. As I looked closer, I could see the pears hanging down and I promptly jumped up and down in excitement and in mid-jump grabbed the most perfect looking pear and ate it simply for the experience even though I had just eaten breakfast…and it was delightful. And thus ends my 'discovery of a pear tree' story.

Stars are something I have been missing since being here. They are scarce in comparison to Alaska it seems. As I was closing my laptop to walk back up the mountainous road to the villa, I suddenly realized how dark it was. Determined not to get all worked up into a frenzy and scare myself, I began my trek up the road. I began to pray and happened to glance back down the road as I was talking. I stopped dead in my tracks and my words. Spread before me was a rich canopy of deep navy sky, heavily dotted with glimmering stars and in the midst of it all, the moon shone out bright and strong, allowing my eyes to fully capture the expanse of world which was sliding into my being through my eyes. Nothing can compare to the glimpses of glory the Lord shares with us. Though the night was cold and my body was tired, something had me rooted to the ground, unable to peel my feet from the surface and walk away. To add to the teetering stack of wonder I had compiled over the last few moments, a shooting star shot through the glossy sky, enveloped into the navy darkness within two seconds. These are the spaces of time where my own smile is not enough. These are the spaces of time where Jesus is smiling with you.

Lazy Mountain Bible Church, I would like to address each and every member and/or person who goes there. I miss you. Even though I do not know all of you personally, I miss the strength and fellowship you bring. My heart and soul ache to be in your sanctuary worshipping with you again. Before I fall asleep on Sunday evenings, I think of you all at church and long to be with you. God has opened many doors and avenues for me here and I had found a solid church, but these past few weeks of traveling and changing jobs have found me to be searching once more for a place to worship. I feel withered and dried up from lack of fellowship. Despite that, our Lord is very great and I am continually strengthened by his love and faithfulness. As I am surrounded by many different beliefs and opinions about the world, I have begun to learn more about why I believe what I believe. Even so, I need help. I need prayer. Dear church, please pray for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers often, as you continue to know Christ and to make him known. I long for the day when I will step through those doors again! 

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ." - 2 Corinthians 2:14-17

Villas & Motorbikes

Snuggled in a nest of blankets in the back of a red van, sitting atop suitcases and bags (and a motorbike) I drove out of Germany, into Austria and finally crossed the border into Italy. Rafael, the villa owner, came and picked us up to bring us up the mountain to the villa. As I gazed upon the hills and valleys of Tuscany, it made me think back to 3 months ago when I was biking to work, wondering what I was going to do with my life. Surprise! Here I am, creating a new pool of memories and emotions to dive into when I am older. We finally arrived at the villa on Saturday afternoon after road tripping for 2 days. We were beyond exhausted! We are situated at the very top of the mountain (Italian mountain, mind you.) and the view is spectacular. There are other parts of the villa below us and if I want to go swimming or use internet, I have to take a 10 minute hike to get back home! After settling in, I found myself very glum and I just wanted to cry. This confused me since I had held Italy in my thoughts as some sort of magical dream, not something I would ever attain but something I could pull out and examine in detail and wonder, letting my imagination ebb and flow. But instead of feeling completed in my joy of a dream come true, I felt empty. I was seeing Italy with my eyes, but my heart did not respond to it. I walked down in the fading light to an internet accessible area of the villa and Skyped with my mom. It was pitch black outside and my feet were frozen, but I was happier than ever. She cheered me up and comforted me and I am grateful. I showed her the "villa kittens" that are running around everywhere and she told me funny stories to get a smile on my face and also gave me advice on how to see my struggles in new perspectives. I have a truly marvelous mother. She picks me up even when she's falling down. That is a selflessness I pray I will give back to others. The following morning, after telling myself it was going to be a good day, various people began to arrive and fill up the rooms. It is always tricky meeting people and figuring out how much English they know. I can't exactly carry an intelligent conversation in German yet, though I have improved a vast amount from when I arrived! Sunday afternoon was the highlight of my stay here so far. I got geared up in boots, pants, suspenders, jacket, neck protecter, gloves and helmet and basked in the glory of feeling "cool." You all know how difficult that is for me. The man who I was riding with was the designer of the bikes so his signature was etched into all the bikes. I felt excitement rising as I climbed onto the seat and held on tight. The rush of energy that went through me as he started the engine continued to rise as we began down the long hill to the roads below. Once we got through a few towns we began to climb a curvy mountain. The twists and turns and revs of the engine slapped a grin on my face that ached as my cheeks pushed against the sides of my helmet. I literally couldn't stop smiling! The rush of the wind, the rush of the beauty surrounding me, the rush of thinking, "I'm motorbiking through Italy with a super cool guy" and the rush of gripping tightly to the bike as we zoom around the constant curves and wondering if I am going to fall off and die. Today I start a new week and my prayer request is that I would seek and find good perspectives in my day. I am struggling with sadness and I miss you all very much. I would not change where I am for the world, but sometimes I am thrown off guard by what truly brings me joy. Joy does not always come from those big dreams you grew up fantasizing about. Sometimes joy is that short conversation with someone you love. At the end of it all, love is always first. It always has been and it always will be. 

Düsseldorf

My blog is titled, "My Au Pair adventure in Düsseldorf" and now that seems like an incorrect title since I live in Wegberg. But I am not changing it because when I stopped to think about it I realized this: Düsseldorf was the beginning of my adventure, the beginning of the relationships I have made, the beginning of my journey to learn about self, world and love. Düsseldorf will not be my ending, but it will always be where I began. 


Monopoly has never been a game that I succeed at. The kids just so happen to love Monopoly. By the time we stopped playing to have dinner, I had 22euro to my name and they had hotels on practically every property. I owned all 4 railroads but the rest of my property had been mortgaged so I could pay them for always landing on their property. It is a very good thing that I have succumbed to not being competitive in certain areas that I know I will fail at. The bright side to this experience was that I practiced my German numbers!!! I am quite good now. I can say numbers up to the thousands, and the format is becoming more familiar to listen to. I am proud. The kids are not as fluent in English so it is fun helping each other learn words. I have gotten better at understanding what people are saying. It fills me with a sense of exhilaration!!! I was privileged enough to snuggle up with the kids to "Barbie: Die Prinzessin Akademie" a few nights ago. As I sat there with my little sister's head in my lap, I realized a few small blessings I was thankful for. We were eating chocolate and potato chips on the couch, I had my feet curled up on the seat, and it was past the kid's bedtime. Those things could have gone unnoticed but I am glad they did not. I am glad the Lord opened my eyes at that moment to see some of the beauties he surrounds me with. Just 2 months ago, I would not have appreciated those 3 things. But I see now that hard experiences open your eyes to the blessings you get, no matter how small. They always make a difference, always penetrate.


I am currently looking out the window at a darling squirrel bounding through the garden! I am glad we do not have a dog to go chase it and kill it in front of me. (Kristen and Katie, you two alone will understand my strange fear of squirrel death by dog...) Dad, I went to a Catholic church last Sunday and it was all spoken in German! My favorite parts were the singing. Hearing the words filling the room was an experience I cannot compare to anything. I enjoyed attempting pronunciation. :) Yesterday I went out with my family on our bikes in a big circle around Wegberg so I could get a tour. We stopped at a water mill and had some beer. (apple juice for the kids!) There are a lot of water mills in Wegberg! That is my random and slightly useless fact of the day. We got to bike through forests and fields which I liked very much. When we got back home, we prepared a delicious BBQ and I ate so much I almost fell asleep right then and there!!! We had some more beer as well, which was lovely. 


I leave on a train this Thursday from Erkelenz to Düsseldorf, then from Düsseldorf to Bad König to meet up with Eva and her family! On Friday we will drive to Italy. I am sure that my next blog will be packed full of wonderful, Italian experiences. For now, I must be off to prepare a delicious lunch! I am HUNGRY. Also, the kids need to eat. :) Tata for now! 


James 1:16-18
Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

Fresh as wine

Tuesday evening I took a train from Dusseldorf to Erkelenz to have an interview with a family from Wegberg, just a few minutes drive from Erkelenz. The moment I stepped from the train and met the father, I felt miles away from my Monday. I immediately began to make jokes and feel comfortable. It also helped that I got to drive in the tiniest convertible known to man kind!!! The motor was rumbling, the top was down, and classic rock music was blasting. That alone deserves 5 gold stars. When I arrived at their house, the 2 kids rushed up to the door to say hello and the mom came running over and gave me a big hug. We had dinner and enjoyed light conversation, then I pulled out one and a half pages filled with questions!!! I decided to be more prepared in knowing what was expected in me and what I could expect. After a good hour of answers to my questions, I was satisfied. I felt very confident and so did they. That evening, after asking opinions from Julia, I took the job. Now it's Friday, and I have arrived at my new home. We ate dinner outside in their garden and I managed to eat an entire pizza (why does that keep happening to me?) along with 2 glasses of wine and a giant chocolate bunny. Europe is good to my tummy. This family is so welcoming and loving. It seems too good to be true. One year is seeming too short now. I am excited to wake up tomorrow and start another day in this wonderful country. Praise God for being my provider. Despite my first experience here, I am giving it a fresh start. I am not giving up. Oh, and Italy, I will see you in a week!

Oh me oh my

Where to start, where to end? I have no answer to that question. Call me a crazy goon, but one day I wake up thinking life could not be any better and the next day I wake up thinking life could not be any worse. Maybe it is because I am a woman. Or maybe I am pure and simply a crazy goon. I am open to either possibility. Life, or should I say God, hands you unexpected surprises. Sometimes joyful, sometimes angering, sometimes loving, sometimes sorrowful. I have a handful of lovely surprises from this last week. During my time with Julia, I learned how to make marmalade with the freshest oranges and lemons imaginable, we made apple crumble from freshly fallen apples we found along the road, I have gained wonderful insight into the tricks of cooking and being a housewife in Europe, and most of all I have learned that sometimes all I need is a hug and a prayer from a mom. Any mom. The other day while I was out shopping and enjoying the sunshine, I stopped to have a drink and some lunch. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry but knew I needed to eat. I ordered an apple spritzer and a tomato mozzarella dish. I really had no idea what it would be, but those are 2 words that are very easy to say in German! When I had my meal delivered, it turned out to be an entire pizza. I had no desire to haul a box around with me the rest of the day and God knows I would never waste it, so I ate my way through all of it. I am impressed and you should be too. I attended an art gallery show with Thorston and we had a grand time! I had never even stepped inside an art gallery before and let me tell you, this gallery didn't even need any paintings!!! It was already so beautifully structured! I have never seen such spectacular architecture. Sunday morning found me on a bench across from church, reading and preparing my heart for worship. An old man bicycled up to my bench and sat down next to me. He said "Gutentag" to which I replied "Gutentag!"Despite my my lack of the language, I discovered that he is in his eighties, his wife died 10 years ago, he has 4 children, 3 grandchildren, and grew up in Germany his entire life. He attends church sometimes, but not every week. He explained to me which flags stood for which countries while we watched the boats go along the Rhine. I got to tell him my dreams and my faith and ask him where he was in life when he was my age. He blessed my heart and made me miss both my grandpas. Later that afternoon, I enjoyed a lovely outing and got to ride on a flying train!!! Truly. It was suspended above the city and I floated along from platform to platform!!! I was rather giddy. During the outing, amidst all my excitement I lost my camera. I am glad I bought a cheap one! I have been enjoying eating trifle, pudding, soufle, and all these crazy Harry Potter words that are simply marvelous! The sun has been warm and lovely today, but I still have found myself to be rather glum. It is indeed a Monday for me. Keep me in your prayers. I have 2 words to share with you that will explain some of my struggles...
German paperwork.
And that is all.

Blurred

I must ask you to excuse me if my update seems a bit blurred. The truth is, the past week has been a complete blur and I am just going to start writing and hope it comes out sensibly. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. That is the truth I have taken out of the past week, and past month since being in Germany. He has been the shade on my right hand. My strength and my treasure. I am currently lying in a bed at the Seamer's house. Stephen Seamer is the chaplain at Christ Church where I have been attending. Julia is his wife. The reason that I am sleeping here? I quite literally packed up all my belongings yesterday and left my home in Kaiserswerth. It's funny how stuffing your entire life into 3 suitcases takes an hour. God placed people in my life during the weeks I have been here that I did not realize would be such an important part of his plan for me. When I found myself with no home, no phone, no family, and 3 suitcases, God sent people that took me into their arms and supported me when I had nowhere to go in a foreign country. All my plans are rapidly changing, but what I find the strangest in the midst of so many REALLY STRANGE events is that I feel free. I feel like myself again. I didn't realize I was drowning until I got pulled out of the water. God gave me the strength to step out in faith and be on top of the waves. I dealt with conflict, I faced realities I did not want to face, I had unflinching honesty about self, world and love, I let God take the lead and show me HIS way, though it was far from where I wanted to go. Being on the other side of the storm, I see so clearly why it rained. The rain that caused me grief also taught me how to let God be my God. It let me open my heart to the wonders of the Lord's character and how he shapes my story. I know with all of my soul that I have great plans ahead of me. Any hardships that are along the way will be fought through with God at my side. I walk IN his faithfulness with his love ever BEFORE me. Bask in the picturesque glory of that statement. I could have chosen to regret traveling halfway across the world and finding myself jobless, homeless, and plan less. But despite the trials of where I was, that was what brought me to Germany. That was my ticket. Now that I am here, I have already met a vast amount of people that I would NEVER give up knowing, despite any hardships I might face. I have learned more about the world in this month than in my entire life. I am growing! I spent the afternoon peeling, dicing, and washing freshly picked apples from a tree Julia and I passed by while walking. We made an apple/blackberry crumble with them. Delicious. I went to a bible study at an Irishmen's house this evening. First time I have heard my last name spoken correctly. My entire life is up in the sky! I have no idea what is coming next and I am reveling in it. I am young and wild and adventurous! I will look back fondly on this year, even though the memories will be crevassed with pain that went deeper than ever before, and days that were the worst I have ever experienced, because molded into those memories will also be the greatest joys in my life and the most exhilarating sense of growth I have ever known. I am blessed. I am EXACTLY where God wants me. I am going to seize every day that comes my way. Carpe Diem. I am the pencil and God is my eraser!!! He truly fixes all the errors. I realize that I have not given much detail into my situation, but for privacy reasons, I will be keeping it that way. For further questions, I will be more than willing to answer (most of them) just send me an email or a message on Facebook. I love you all. Tata for now.

Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy

I was sitting at one of the train platforms waiting to meet with a man from Christ Church Dusseldorf who was going to take me to a bible study. I had never met him and had no idea who to look for. I also felt like I had gotten off at the wrong platz... Not wanting to sit in agony wondering if I was in the right place, I pulled out my bible to distract myself. A man walked by me talking on the phone. He said, "chow" before ending the call. He tapped my shoulder on when I looked up he asked me in German if I had any cigarettes. I said no and that I spoke mostly English. He immediately began speaking to me in English but it was obvious he did not know it very well. I talked with him for a few minutes just to be polite and discovered that he was from Italy, and was in Dusseldorf for college. After 10 more minutes passed and he had included "is their a special man back home," "do you have a boyfriend," and "oh you're not married" at least 2 times each, I started getting nervous. I tried reading my bible again but he didn't seem to mind talking anyways! He asked me the same questions over and over like he had forgotten the last few minutes of our conversation. That frightened me. He also kept shamelessly flirting with me and I did not know how to escape other than to get up and start running. At long last, his train arrived. He reached out, grabbed my hand and kissed it! The moment he left, I said, "Oh God, that was such a bad idea, I'm so sorry I talked to him!" Then after a few moments, I said, "You know what, I am safe, I met a man straight from Italy, and he kissed my hand!!! I will not complain about this, I will soak up such a magical moment." So I did, and it was a marvelous choice indeed. The bible study was very good and I met some wonderful and cultural people, plus some delicious Indian food!!! 

While out walking a few days ago, I saw a fox staring at me on a meadow to my right. What a beautiful creature! Guess what? I have been very productive this week! I got a bank account (which is confusing in a foreign country, I promise) and the woman who was helping me might need an Au Pair in a years time so she gave me her card and I might have another job after this one! We shall see what doors the Lord chooses to open up. Having that possibility was a moment of sunshine in my day.

The middle girl had her birthday party last Saturday, so the entire day was filled with small children, food, presents, messes, you get the point. I was drained by the evening time. Fun, but not so fun... The kids all stuffed teddy bears and I stuffed the little boys with him. I got to sew them together once the kids stuffed them with some fluff. I really enjoyed it. I had 2 glasses of champagne and some coffee, and by about 7pm I was feeling REALLY dizzy. I know that's pitiful, but I don't usually drink more than one glass of alcohol. My dreams were filled with the events of the day except changed ever so slightly so when I woke up, what had actually happened and what I had dreamed were slurred together. I have limited myself to one glass only since then...

Sunday morning, I made breakfast for the family, then got on my bike to ride along the Rhine to Christ Church Dusseldorf! I was pumped since it was my first church service since being here. Halfway through the ride it started pouring rain. My instinct was to be irritated since I had put mascara on to look fancy and now it was all going to slide off. But that irritation didn't last long. I began to laugh like a crazy person and revel in the downpour around me. If I can't stop it from raining, why bother wasting negative energy on it? I was going to church to worship God, not look fancy. I even biked a bit fast and had time to stop at a cafe and have some hot coffee while I studied my bible. The service was not what I expected, and I haven't given a definite opinion on it yet, but I know for sure that I love the people there. They are so welcoming. I enjoyed the afternoon with the family I met at the first home group I attended. They are so wonderful! Their children are so adorable. We went to a festival in their village and it was so cultural! Their were hundreds of Germans in crazy costumes parading around the streets, singing, dancing, marching, playing music, riding horses, sitting in carriages being pulled by Clydesdales, shooting guns, the list goes on and on. I soaked it in while drinking ONE mug of beer. 

I met with the chaplain of Christ Church today and really enjoyed the company of a strong church leader. It was comforting. I have met a lot of new people and have been in touch with a lot of new people that I hope to meet in the future. I am excited as I continue stepping with God through each day. All I can do is focus on the day ahead of me. Looking forward more then that will put me in a state of panic! I have trained my mind not to wander, but to be in the moment I am in. 

The little boy and I went to a music class on Monday and it was one of those 'out of the movies' moments, where I sit down with him in a circle with 7 other mom's and toddlers. The entire class was in German so I could not memorize ANY of the songs! I followed along as best I could without looking like a total idiot, as we did various exercises with the kids. He stayed very clingy and lovey dovey with me since he did not know anyone. I can't say I minded. At one point, the kids would run to specified parts of the room and make music with the walls, cabinets, etc. He would come running back to me every time and jump into my arms, kissing me and squeezing me. I had never felt that bond with him so strongly. It was a good step. He is becoming attached to me and I am loving it! The girls are very easy to talk and relate to. Anytime I spend alone with them, they become glued to my side, holding my hand, sitting by me at the table, talking endlessly to me. I am glad I don't feel quite as alienated as the first week!!! 

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. The little boy about dies laughing every time I say that. He tries to repeat it but can't even come close. It is beyond adorable. I wish I could say that my life here is easy peasy lemon squeezy. But then again, where would be the growth if there was no challenge? I still don't know what I was thinking when I bought my ticket to Germany. It was so out of the blue and though it seems sensible to doubt myself, I can't. Every time I try, this sense of peace and confidence comes over me. I know this is where I should be. I made the right choice. It wasn't an easy choice but this year is going to refine me. This morning, I cried the entire way through getting ready for the day. I miss my family. I miss my home. But today was one of my better days here, despite the rough start. I cried out to God to be my comfort and I sought His words through the Psalms during any breaks in my day. I sought his love and faithfulness and he answered me! He comforts me. He fills up all my empty spaces. 

Choice

My chest bears a weight that pours into my mouth when I think of home. Be still, oh my soul. Find rest in the arms of Jesus. My days have been roller coasters! I have the choice each morning to be one with my joys or my pains. Adjusting to someone else's life is harder than I imagined. I had a victory yesterday. I attended a home group bible study and got to be surrounded by a wonderful Christian family! They have 4 children, (3 boys and 1 girl) and their house is crazy, messy, fun and so full of love! I felt automatically at home. It was my first time meeting and hanging out with someone since I have been here. It felt so good. It helped me realize that this could be one of the greatest and most memorable experiences of my life. It's harder to realize that during most of my days here. This evening I watched Mamma Mia with the family and we snuggled up on the couch and sang along to all the songs. For the first time since being here, I felt at home and I was genuinely enjoying myself. I wasn't on edge, wondering if I was doing everything right, I wasn't thinking about the soul ache I have from missing mom, I wasn't worrying about getting my visa, finding the right German class, registering, getting a bank account, etc etc. My soul found a quiet time and I reveled in it! Praise God for another victorious moment. The middle girl had a wonderful birthday on Thursday afternoon. She wore the beaded purse necklace I gave her and pranced around the house, dancing on the counters, being her usual crazy self. She reminds me of Shannon sometimes. When I was reading with her during bedtime I noticed that she had put one of my mailing address labels on her nightstand. I smiled. I enjoy being cherished. Saturday morning I bought some buns from the bakery then came home and made scrambled eggs with the girls while we listened to the Mamma Mia soundtrack and danced and sang to all the songs. The girls LOVE the movie and the middle girl jumped on the counter (no surprise there...) and began to rock out to "Dancing Queen." Saturday was a good morning. Later that afternoon, the parents both left for the weekend and thus began my first night with the kids alone. I was not scared but I hoped very much to not disappoint when they came back. The little boy managed to fall asleep with only a few tears and I even had an hour to myself in the morning to speak with mom! The kids came peering around the corner at 8am and got to meet my mom on Skype. Having her see and talk to them made me realize what a gift I have been given to care for these children. On Sunday afternoon we baked cookies together which was a very messy but outrageously fun time! I can now empathize with mom when she ranted about the mess of baking with small children. I had an adventuring day earlier on Thursday. I bought a train ticket to an unknown destination and waited to see where it would take me. I ended up walking in Nord Park which is now one of my favorite places here. It is spectacular. Beyond spectacular. There is not a word to describe the beauty. The amount of green fields and massive trees make me very happy indeed. My eyes grow tired from gazing at everything around me! My feet grow weary from walking as long as they will take me. I was brave enough to venture into the big city area and as I was walking a man hollered at me and began to follow me. I kept my cool and conversed with him politely but after a few minutes a bit of panic began to set in and I felt slightly helpless so in my desperation I told him I had a boyfriend and he needed to not waste his time on me any longer. He then replied, "Oh, girl you like needs good man like him, yes yes you do. Very good." That was the last I saw of him and I was thankful although a small part of me felt bad for lying. I took a bike ride along the River Rhine yesterday and the majesty of the Lord surrounded me. Such a different beauty fills this land than what fills Alaska. God created different parts of the land so uniquely, just like he created people so uniquely. I sat down on a rock wall overlooking the river and the wind was blowing so hard, I couldn't hear anything that wasn't right next to me. Assuming everyone else was experiencing that same problem, I started singing. I sang to Jesus in the midst of his beauty and I was filled with peace. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. Tomorrow night I will most likely get the chance to attend a different home group bible study through the same church. I am very excited. There are a lot of words on my "worry list" right now and my request to you is that you would pray for me as I attempt to let tomorrow worry about itself, and know that the Lord knows my every step before I take it. (Psalm 139) There are bright shining moments that peek out from the clouds during my day. That is a gift, but the gift is a choice. Jesus offers me beauties but I must accept them. That is my choice. I pray that as the days continue, I would ALWAYS seek the Lord first, and let everything else be added to me. I will end with a few verses from Psalm 130 that struck my heart today. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."               

Drip Drop

Yesterday my soul was splashed with grief, doubt and an ache that hurt far more than any physical pain I have ever experienced. I have never before sought the Lord more persistently. I felt my helplessness and my need for Him so strongly. I craved His presence next to me and inside of me. I know in my heart that the Lord is walking with me. I trust in God to take me through this part of my new chapter. Even then, my soul will still sorrow, for that is where my growth will flourish. My weakness is God's strength. Today brought the slightest of changes. Today there was a drop of hope in the waters of my soul. That one drop made a difference. I pray that it continues to grow and alter the current of my spirit. The Lord reigns. Never before have I realized the strength and truth behind that statement. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I would like to thank you all for the words with which you have encouraged me these past 24 hours. My heart is warmed, truly. I can feel the prayers you have been praying, even from so far away. I love that. :) Today I swept the walkway, driveway, and garage while listening to some good ol' American music. It was a wonderful distraction and a job well done, I must say. One and a half hours later I jumped (really, I jumped) into a cold shower and now I feel so much better. The sun is shining today, and not just in the sky!!! I was out walking a few days ago and a few young European men passing by started hollering at me in German. Fortunately I did not have a clue what they were saying. The tire on my bike here is flat so I took it down to the bike shop to get it repaired. I will not get it until Saturday so I have been walking everywhere which has been quite lovely, despite the longer amount of time that is needed. Today I organized every single drawer in the kitchen. I find a ridiculous amount of joy in organizing. I took my first train 2 days ago. I was SO terrified of being taken far away into the middle of nowhere because I wasn't sure if I had gotten the correct ticket, boarded the correct train, or even if I knew the right name of my destination! God is good, and got me safely to the correct Platz, and I enjoyed walking around a very busy mall. Europeans are very tall...Also, the majority of the people are very thin and dress SO well. All the colors are very muted. What I have come to realize is that they are completely opposite of my style. I don't own an outfit with muted colors, nor will I ever be tall and reedy. It's not so bad being different though. I rather enjoy it. Oh, and they all smell good, but a weird good, like the cologne and/or perfume has expired. It's strange. I have noticed since I have been here that people write the number 1 very oddly. It looks like an upside down V. I wish they would stop. It's hard enough learning the language. When I go to buy a coffee or get a treat from a bakery, I realize that they could be giving me the wrong amount of change and I would be none the wiser. My skills in listening to German numbers are only sufficient if the person is speaking in slow motion! I bought stationary yesterday at a very tiny, cute store in the middle of town. When I got home, I realized I had no stamps to send the letters I wanted to write. Oops. Today I will go down to the Post Office and get some. I was under the impression that living in Europe would make me eat less since they have different eating habits, but NO. That was a lie. I enjoy the food so much that I eat more here then I did in Alaska. Healthier, yes. Smaller quantities, no. I do love that I have to walk and bike everywhere because it gives me enough exercise to feel accomplished every day. I miss dancing so I have been using the exercise room to improv. I am very glad there are no mirrors! I am trying to set up a meeting with a pastor from a church here to see if their beliefs are okay. I am craving church more than anything. Speaking of cravings... I just took some cupcakes out of the oven. The middle girl has her 7th birthday tomorrow. I am giving her one of my Grandma's homemade beaded purse necklaces with a few trinkets inside. She was lusting after it while exploring my room and since I have 2 of them, there was no harm in surprising her with it! I am excited to give it to her. Each breath is a gift, I must remember that. I will praise God for every moment he gives me to bear fruit in my life. Lord, let me be a blessing to these children, and fill their lives with your love. Amen!

Psalm 116

"I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: 'Oh Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!' Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; When I was brought low, he saved me. Return, oh my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believe, even when I spoke, 'I am greatly afflicted'; I said in my alarm, 'All mankind are liars.' What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord, I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Oh Lord, I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant. You have loosed my bonds. I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord, in your midst, oh Jerusalem. Praise the Lord!"
He always listens. Even the tiniest whisper of a thought, he hears it. My soul has not rested fully in his presence these past few days. He 'delivered my soul from death', but I did not rest in his mercy. He 'took away the tears', but I cried them anyway. He 'stopped my feet from stumbling', but I fell down. 
My prayer request is this: That my soul would find rest not only during the joys, but also during the trials. 

Practice makes almost perfect

I got lost biking to the park. Instead I took him on a stroller ride into town to get some buns. Right as I came into the bakery, the lady pushed a bun into his hand and when he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his pouch of coins, she laughed and said,"nein, nein!' So as he munched on his bun, I walked through town just looking at my surroundings. My eyes were very happy indeed. I went to a coffee shop and ordered a small coffee. My second time buying coffee, and I am in love with the experience. I am not so sure yet, but I think my voice is already adapting somewhat to the accents I hear around me. I'm wondering if that is good or bad... I helped the children bathe in the evening before dinner and it brought me to memories of when I was small and all 5 of us kids would cram into our tub and splash water at each other. They did exactly that except for the small difference that they decided I should be wet too. I decided to succumb to it instead of being angry which was a good idea because at that moment of decision, the middle girl jumped out of the tub and gave me the biggest hug she could, soaking me to the skin. I chose to laugh. After dinner, I talked with the parents about work and also a lot of ideas to ponder upon. After the next 2 hours passed by my brain felt tired with information. I have a lot to do these next few weeks so be praying for strength and faith. After the last few nights of little sleep, I finally slept a full 8 hours without constantly waking up! I have concluded that my sweet sleep was due to the glass of champagne I drank with dinner. Which would also bring me to the conclusion that I should have champagne nightly to insure my rest. Logical, isn't it? I made scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning and we also ate strawberries, (the best I have ever tasted) rolls with butter and jam, and hot tea. A bit after breakfast the girls had their piano lessons. After lessons, we played together for a bit. I brought them to my room and they explored all my belongings. They are so cute. The 'Boogie Box' is the first thing they notice and we take out all the notes, letters, photos, and jewelry and they inspect everything and read some of the notes. It is cute hearing them speak slow English in their accents. My vast supply of jewelry is fascinating to young girls of course, so I spend time putting on their favorite pieces and they ooh and awe. After browsing my room, we go to the music room and I paint their nails with the pink and blue polish Mrs. Dewinter bought me. They are SO excited and talk about which colors they want to use and about the size of their nails compared to mine. The eldest girl chooses pink on one hand and blue on the other, and on her toes she alternates the color. The middle girl chooses to alternate on her hands and her feet. I had so much fun being girly with them. We go and make lunch once we realize it's 2pm and we choose some silly straws to drink our juice with that matches our nails! When I had some free time I chose to stretch in the exercise room and it was very relaxing. My muscles are very tense from traveling still. I biked along the Rhine River for an hour and on my way back I noticed an opening in the trees and I thought to myself, "Hmm, this looks thrilling, let me inspect." I walked into a a rocky path with vines and branches close to my face and it opened up onto a bed of rocks by the river and a massive climbing tree with a rope. Naturally, I took my shoes off and started climbing up the tree! I stopped, sat down and leaned my head against the trunk and as I looked out over the river and the breeze swirled around me, I started crying. They were not sad tears and they were not happy tears. I just cried. A peace was in me, despite the newness of where I am and what I am doing. A large amount of prayers were spoken and a few answers were given. I must remember that no matter how far away from my family I am, God is as close as ever. He created the whole world, and he is as present in Dusseldorf as he is in Wasilla. I must cling to the hope he has set in me. If I let negative thoughts invade my mind, I will not further his kingdom. Filling my life and my actions with the fruit of the spirit, and living by faith will bring the obedience by faith that we are called to. (Romans 1) I am learning new ways to live, new rules to remember, new things to teach the children, new foods to make, new cleaning supplies, new everything. I am a woman of routine and my brain prefers to have that routine in a very straight line. At this moment, the routine is all there, but extremely scrambled. Practice will make almost perfect over time and I must be patient. To conclude for today, I must add that the m&ms and reeses that Anna gave me for the flight have been most popular with the kids. They figured out quickly where I stashed my sweets. I then figured out quickly how to lock my door. I love you all. I miss you all. Tschüss!

The magic of newness.

My teeth are clean!!! It is almost 6am and I have been awake since 4...sleep has been hard these first few days. I pray that I get into a schedule soon. I rode my bike to town yesterday and gazed at all the culture surrounding me. First of all, the bikes here are crazy! They look really big but they are so easy to ride in comparison to my bike in Alaska. I have a basket to put my jacket and bag in which is exciting. The streets are all cobbled and EVERYONE bikes EVERYWHERE. I am in love with that aspect of being here. I explored inside a castle, walked along the River Rhine, and bought my first Kaffee in a bakery. It was delicious. (I taught the little boy 'delicious' and it is his new favorite word.) The doors in Germany are very big. The key to get in the house is very strange and sometimes it takes me a few minutes to get inside! I got to play with the little boy yesterday and it was a blast teaching him English words and listening to him to catch some German as well. He is full of smiles and energy. I biked with the mom to ISD where the girls attend school and the trail there is so phenomenal!!! Along the way there is an apple orchard so we grabbed a few for the ride. :) She gave me homemade plum cake that she made with the plums from her tree for lunch and I quite literally 'whipped' up some fresh cream to put on top!!! It was the least sweet treat I've ever had, as well as my new favorite. I love the food here. It has not made me sick yet! The middle girl helped me put away all my belongings and she oohed and awed over my 'Boogie box' and all my jewelry. She loves my beaded purses that Grandma made and it is her birthday in 9 days so I am going to surprise her with one of them. :) The girls requested that I put them to bed last night so I went up and helped them get ready. They showed me pictures in their yearbook and talked about all their friends and teachers for a while. It is so fun telling them anything about my life because it is so different from theirs, so we have lots of fun together. They speak very good English and quiz me on German words frequently! They have discovered how much they like me to tickle their feet and knees. I have an inkling it will become a nightly event. They are so full of love, hugs, kisses, and snuggling. I love it. Today I start my first official day of work and I am taking the little boy to a park! I must depart now to shower and get ready to make breakfast with the mom. Pray for today that I do my job exceptionally! Much love to everyone...missing you already! Tschüss.

The journey

The realization of leaving hit me for the first time as I stood by the security line to say goodbye to mom. I had said so many goodbyes the last week but in that moment I felt the fullness of what I was taking on. Even though it terrified me I also felt that small part inside me telling me that this was the perfect time. I am ready for this. I definitely fought back the tears as I walked away by myself. Some of me was thrilled to be on my own and some of me was sad to be leaving that chapter of my life behind. Change is hard but I am running into it with an open heart. The minute I got past security and to my gate I was surrounded by foreign people all speaking different languages to each other. I sat down by myself and pulled out my current book, Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) so I would have a distraction. I already had a headache and didn't want any more tears to come! A man came and sat down next to me, clutching his passport. I glanced nonchalantly over my book to see where he was from and it read 'Italy'. I smiled. An airline attendant began speaking about the flight in German. For the first time, I had to wait to hear English second. I tried to remember words so I could pair them with the English. It was hard. I was almost at the end of the plane, and it was big but cramped. There were 3 sets of chairs per row and I was stuck in the middle set. I knew I had 9 hours ahead of me in that wretched chair. A young girl with her mom were next to me. I was too tired to talk to them. I walked to the back of the plane to ask an attendant where to put my big suitcase because it wouldn't fit in the luggage racks. The man didn't speak English very well and eventually handed me a label and said, "very important." My bag was gone. I tried not to freak out and took my seat, hoping I'd get to see my bag in Dusseldorf. They fed me 2 entire meals and about 5 rounds of drinks. It was awesome. The flight was treacherously long and I got basically no sleep. The tv on the plane showed where we were flying throughout the flight and I went over Greenland and right by Paris and a few other places. After finally arriving in Frankfurt I was really excited. I walked for a few hours around the airport. (it is HUGE!!!) I was soaked in sweat, and the bands of my pack were wet from being against my back. I had never needed water so badly in my life. I wandered for another 30 minutes trying to find a bank to convert my travelers checks into Euros so I could get water. It was very strange not having access to something so simple as water. Finally I found a bank and once I got my water bottle, guzzled it in a few seconds. I know I needed it badly because I drank so much and hardly had to go to the bathroom. Crazy!!! After a lot of waiting, I stepped into the bus to take me to my next flight. Then it started raining. Once the rain came, lightning and thunder followed and I loved it at first but then had a change of heart when we were taken back up to the airport because they had shut down all flights. I waited some more. I could barely keep my eyes open. At long last, I got to the plane. I got a window seat! Too bad the flight was a short and sweet 30 minutes. I stared out the window at Germany the entire way. The mountains are not Alaska mountains. But the trees are beyond comparison! Once I arrived, I knew Kerstin must have been waiting for a long time already, so I hurried to the baggage claim only to find that they baggage was delayed as well. I bought a cart and waited for 15 minutes to get my bags. 2 of them arrived but my small pink bag was nowhere to be found. Trying not to freak out, I pushed my cart to the help desk and filled out paperwork so I could have my bag eventually sent to my Germany address. Thank the Lord that I had the information written down in my notebook. Unfortunately, my laptop is close to dying and the european outlet I bought is in the suitcase I do not have. After filling out the paperwork and talking to a nice lady who had nannied in Canada, I walked out and looked for my new family, assuming she had left by now and that I'd have to sleep at the airport. I must've looked very american because a teenage girl walked up to me and asked, "are you the Au Pair from Alaska?" A wave of relief rushed over me and she led me over towards a big group of people. Suddenly, she comes sprinting over and gives me a huge hug, grabs my cart and keeps running as she tells me, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here Karly, we have no time! I locked my keys in the house and I have a parking ticket and the children are in the car." I laughed at how crazily I was entering into my new life. At least it is memorable, we both agreed. We made it out to the car and we quickly hauled my luggage into her car and I jumped into the front seat. The 3 children (my first though was, "Oh good. They're real.") were all sitting in the back speaking rapid German to her. I turned around in my seat and said, "Hallo!" They replied the same. I had a perpetual smile on my face, though I tried to hide it since she was stressed. The little boy had already melted my heart. Once we arrived at her house (We got there so fast, it was insane.) we had to wait about an hour for the guys to unlock the door. There is a gate that has to be opened to drive into where they live. It's so green and quaint looking. The middle girl gave me a house tour. The level you walk into has a dining room, kitchen, living room and a study. If you walk downstairs, that's my level where I have my own room and bathroom. There is also an exercise room, a spare bedroom, a bathroom and a sauna. The 3rd level is the parents room, a washroom, and a laundry room, and the 4th level is a bathroom and the kid's rooms. The styling is spectacular throughout the house. I will take pictures! I got to see their backyard which is spectacular! They have a plum tree with a ladder, a swing set, trampoline, chairs and a table, a porch, and their house is 4 stories high! The stairs wind up. I love it. I showed the kids my necklace from Boogie which they really liked and they laughed at her name. They loved my passport, I.D., and visa. They had already started teaching me some German words. I let them try one of my reeses chocolates. They had never had one. They said, "Mmm, chocolate!" (Imagine that in an accent...it makes a difference.) After touching base with my family, and putting my bags in my room, I talked with the mom for a tiny bit, drank some water and went right to bed! I am still very tired. I didn't want to sleep...technically it was the start of a new day in Alaska, and it was hard falling asleep. My toothbrush is in my lost bag and I really miss it at this moment. But if that's the least of my travel worries, I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I have no idea what is in store for me but I've decided that's what makes it so wonderful. Tis an adventure for sure. Thus concludes my first blog in the history of my life! I rest assured that you are all praying for me and I thank you for your support. It warms my heart. All the best, and I will tell of the adventures to come in my next entry. Tschüss!