We're all the same; we need your love.

The kids have been slaying me with their ridiculous sentences the past few weeks. I literally start laughing so hard I can't breathe and then I run and grab a sticky note so I won't forget it! Here is my collection from the past weeks:

A conversation with Gereon about Call of Duty, while I interjected with the English words the entire time he spoke: "There was an Ecke and I stood in it and a man was in the middle and then I drücken all the Knopfen and messered him!" (corner, pushed, buttons, knifed)

"Karly, how much do you wieg?" - Jojo (weigh)

When I began to beat Jojo in chess:
"What now, brown cow!"  - Me 
"I'm not brown." - Jojo "
But you're a cow?" - Me

Discussing her sugar addictions.
"Not good things gleich yummy!" - Jojo (equals)

"One time we retten ein Eichhörnchen." - Jojo (saved a squirrel) 

"I don't can beschreiben that!" - Jojo (describe)

"I must vertraue you now." - Jojo (trust)

"Look at all the Schmetterlinge! There's one, and there's two. They are all over." - Gereon

And with their German accents, it's really just so indescribably darling.

I read the book of Hosea last week and it's the first time I've read continuously through it in one sitting. It's so saddening to read. The sorrow of the Lord at the rejection from his beloved people is so emotional. He calls them to Him and longs that they long to know Him. In chapter 6 verse 3 it says, "Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord." And in chapter 7 verse 14 it says, "They do not cry to me from the heart, but they wail upon their beds." I found that so intense, because as fallen people, we desperately need God and crave His love, but we so often don't choose it. We sit in our sorrow and pain and don't turn our hearts to Him. He wants a relationship with us and we're always choosing everything else that lies before our eyes, these things that never satisfy. They never ever satisfy. And Jesus satisfies and He loves you and calls to you in your pain to run to Him and trust Him. What a fallen people we are to reject Him. Sweet, sweet grace, how thankful I am for you! My heart cannot choose Him on my own; He is my Helper and Redeemer. And He will never stop the work He started in me!!! Philippians 1:6 - "And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 
And now to speak of evil... I think people define evil sometimes very broadly or only in headline news stories or only when they've personally been deeply hurt by evil. But evil is more than that isn't it? It's sometimes little and sometimes fun and pretty easy and sometimes it seems very good. And sometimes it seems non-existent, because let's face it: the world is quite often really quite a blast and it's easy to be very happy in it. It's definitely black and white, but we tend to let the white be how we see the world instead of the black. For me personally, I don't always register the hugeness and deepness and broadness of evil and how it can devour anything in it's path. I was reading an article about this man who'd been doing illegal abortions and as I read through the stories I burst into tears and felt the power of evil in this world. I was sickened by evil, I felt deep sorrow for evil and I didn't understand how God could love that man through it all. And then I remembered a very very sad thing that humbled me profoundly. The same evil that pumps through his veins pumps through mine. I have the same capabilities to produce evil as he does. We have wicked hearts that need a cure. I sat there crying out to God and asking why this happened and if justice would come to the poor babies who were killed within seconds of finding life and breath outside of the womb. And in my frustration, I remembered a few verses in Psalm 37: "He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" And I trust that the Lord will bring justice to every evil thing that has happened here and will happen and is happening right now. Evil that I've done and evil that everyone else does. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But he is faithful and just and He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And slowly, my crying turned into a sober understanding of what is to come and how exquisitely precious it will be to see justice brought to evil and tears turned to laughter, sorrow turned to joy, the dead souls brought to life in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord for this!!!

I never thought I'd be someone to speak of the weather, but SPRING IS HERE!!! And how glorious it feels to breathe in the fresh, warm, sweetly scented air! I biked through it this morning to get bread for Gereon and I (we're alone today!) and I couldn't stop smiling, even up the hills! The birds are chirping everywhere, the flowers are blooming, the grass is continuously greener and I'm wearing tank tops again. It's a good thing. Yesterday I biked to Holland and the blue skies poured sunshine down on my back! I enjoyed being sweaty, simply because it was so new to feel so warm outside again. I don't know if it's just the weather, or what, but I have had a heart overflowing with thankfulness and joy. And usually it's always a battle to not get sucked into the whirlpool of dissatisfaction and irritation, etc etc. But lately I've had this joy I can't get rid of! And oddly enough, I'm really thankful that the Lord is blessing me with a thankful heart! It's beautiful, how when you truly and completely open yourself up to let Him in, He comes immediately and works strongly inside of you. And naturally, what's inside begins to pour out of you and surround your life. It's amazing to be in His embrace.

Just another bend in this road.

As a prelude to this post, I met with a pastor last weekend to discuss Bible schools and future mission work. It was my first real step forward after the past 8 or 9 months of speaking with a contact from ECM about my possible interest in missionary work here in Europe. Friday morning I walked to the train station in Wegberg to begin my journey to Rostock, a city in East Germany right at the tippity top by the Baltic Sea. I sat on the train for almost 8 hours, watching the fields and cottages pass me by while I wrote poems and listened to music. It was relatively lovely, although I sat for far too long. I was warmly welcomed by the Libuda family at the Rostock Hbf and enjoyed a relaxed evening having some dinner and meeting everyone. I said my first 'out loud' prayer in German before we ate. :) Saturday afternoon I went ice skating with some of the young people at the church and then we went to the Easter Market in town and drank Glühwein, ate candied almonds and went on a ride that was so scary I was screaming with fear and the guy actually stopped the ride and asked me, "Möchten Sie aussteigen?" while everyone stared at me...low point of the day for Karly! I stayed on, but I'm not sure how. In the evening I spent time with Klaus discussing what needed discussing. :) Easter Sunday was unlike any Easter I've ever celebrated. Before I came on this trip I was hesitant, because I was inclined to spend Easter at my home church in Dusseldorf. But after praying about it, I felt led to come to Rostock and was excited to see what the Lord had in store for me. Sunday morning, I walked with Katarina (the girl I stayed with) through some snowy paths to the Rostock community center which is where the church meets. The building was bright orange and pretty small. We set up chairs and tables and set the dishes out all pretty and festive. We prepared a Sunday brunch all together as a church and then enjoyed a time of fellowship while we ate! I loved it! And Klaus said a few words about the Resurrection, read from the Bible, and then I gave my first ever German speech. When he asked me if I'd come forward and talk about what I was doing in Rostock, and what I had in mind for the future, etc I felt like I should be nervous, but God was so encouraging to me and I wasn't afraid! I got up and just relaxed so the words would come out... and they did! It was a small thing, but a big step for me. We all went as a group to Warnemünde, which is the beach area by the Baltic Sea. It was breathtaking and reminded me of Juist. Looking across the water, Klaus told me that Denmark was just across and that I could take a ferry over for 10 euros. I'm definitely coming back. :) I was asked if I wanted to go ice swimming in the Sea and I was kinda hesitant because my bones already were freezing! The day was really cold and windy. But then I thought how deeply I would regret missing an opportunity to jump into the Baltic Sea in winter time. I mean, come on. I would definitely regret not doing that. So I borrowed a tee shirt and shorts from Katarina and stripped down right there on the beach like a true East German! Okay, not true. I wore my coat as long as possible so I was covered until the last second. And then they all just started running towards the water, so I ran after them screaming and the point where I touched that icy water is the point where I can't even describe how it felt. It was the most enthralling experience and I got such an adrenaline rush! Once it got deeper and the waves started coming towards my head, I began to swim and then dove under and let my head be completely immersed. I could barely breath because my chest was aching from the cold and I kept yelling and then suddenly I was toasty warm and began to swim back to the shore! I felt like I had goosebumps on my bones and I jumped up and down on the beach while I tried to get dressed but my body was so stiff that I could hardly take my clothes off, I barely got my shirt on, and I had to have my friend Nadin zip up my jeans. It was a bonding moment for us. :) Then I ate some Easter chocolate and went back to Katarina's. Later that evening, we had a game night and played our own version of pictionary, boys against girls. We chose the most impossible things to draw and it was a vicious game! We ate pancakes, drank wine, ate chocolate and I won a long game of gummy bear poker. It was a lovely evening of laughter! On Monday I said farewell to the wonderful group of people I'd met and started the long trek home. There was a delay on one of my trains and then I missed my other connections, so I went to the info office and got a free taxi ride back home! The guy was funny and we listened to The Rolling Stones on top volume as we drove to Wegberg. He was dancing along and singing and it was so silly and great! And now I'm home and all my things are clean again and I feel good. :) And now to the most important part....

I've been in contact with a man named Frank from ECM, which is a ministry agency. Here is the website: http://www.ecmi-usa.org/index.php
To be honest, I had no idea if I was serious about working for them when I first began researching mission opportunities here. As I spoke with Frank about a possible interest, he gave me so much information and we began taking in detail about the possibilities I had before me. We spent the last 9 months or so skyping and emailing about ideas. I kept mulling it over in my head and never quite knew what I felt. It was scary imagining having a commitment for a certain amount of years and I felt insecure in deciding anything formally. We continued speaking, and he interviewed me and wrote out an assessment which he then sent to Klaus in Rostock. So last weekend, I came to meet Klaus knowing only that I was going to ask for advice on Bible schools and the possibility of mission work through ECM. When I arrived, it because quickly clear that God had been working a lot more behind the scenes than I was aware of. Klaus found me a Bible school in a district outside of Berlin which I would attend for a year. It's in German and he said I had enough knowledge of the language to understand and learn from the program. He showed me the charts and percentages that showed the amount of people who believed in "god" in East Germany, and it's extremely low. Also, the children's poverty is very low in that area. Through ECM, they would put me into East Germany, perhaps in Berlin or somewhere near there and I would work with church planting ministries and focus on children's ministry, which is desperately needed. So as we sat there looking through charts, discussing the mission work and what the work looked like and as I listened to his stories, it became so clear to me and I felt a bit shaky with the realization that I want to work in East Germany as a missionary. And then I began to wonder while we sat there talking if the Lord had this in my plan all along, and coming here in 2011 was the beginning of his preparation for me as my heart fell in love with Germany, and as I matured in myself and my faith from stepping out on my own. And that was my first little step, and now this is my second, and who knows what my third will be. And then it was like a slideshow in my brain and I could see it all when I first came to Germany and who I was and what I thought I came here for and how God led me through this journey and worked in my heart and desires to lead me to this point. I'm really scared. And I'm at peace about it. So here is what we worked out tentatively... I start by telling people that I want to be a missionary in East Germany, get the word out, and begin making preparations for raising funds. This summer I'll take my German language test, then I'll come home for Christmas this year and stay until October saving up money for the Bible school and raising funds for the ministry after school. In October 2014 I'll attend the Bible school for a year and then most likely step straight into wherever they send me. I'll have more details in the portfolio I'll be making with all the information. It will include where I'm going, what I'm doing there, statistics on faith and poverty, etc etc. What I can say now, is please pray for me as I prepare myself for this next step and please consider whether you'd be willing to support me financially in the future. Thank you!

And to end, here's a new idea I tried out. I wanted to have this poem feel continuous and slightly overwhelming so I wrote it all without any punctuation. I'm happy with how it turned out!


Without End
My back finds the bed and my eyes find the ceiling and my mind finds your face and my tears find my hair as they slide under my neck and choke me from within while they lace around my throat like a simple string of pearls and now a strange sort of heat has been building in my bones and it wraps around my thighs and creeps around my waist and entwines around my fingers and what is happening what is happening because I'm feeling something or maybe everything and it's sometimes fear and sometimes sadness but sometimes anger and sometimes love and love is pursing my lips together and they won't press any tighter so my softly slipping tears have turned to torrents and they drown me oh they drown me but all I did was think of you as I laid down on this bed but it brought me to my knees and pulled me to my face and stripped me of my life and brought me to the end.