Drip Drop

Yesterday my soul was splashed with grief, doubt and an ache that hurt far more than any physical pain I have ever experienced. I have never before sought the Lord more persistently. I felt my helplessness and my need for Him so strongly. I craved His presence next to me and inside of me. I know in my heart that the Lord is walking with me. I trust in God to take me through this part of my new chapter. Even then, my soul will still sorrow, for that is where my growth will flourish. My weakness is God's strength. Today brought the slightest of changes. Today there was a drop of hope in the waters of my soul. That one drop made a difference. I pray that it continues to grow and alter the current of my spirit. The Lord reigns. Never before have I realized the strength and truth behind that statement. He will never leave me nor forsake me. I would like to thank you all for the words with which you have encouraged me these past 24 hours. My heart is warmed, truly. I can feel the prayers you have been praying, even from so far away. I love that. :) Today I swept the walkway, driveway, and garage while listening to some good ol' American music. It was a wonderful distraction and a job well done, I must say. One and a half hours later I jumped (really, I jumped) into a cold shower and now I feel so much better. The sun is shining today, and not just in the sky!!! I was out walking a few days ago and a few young European men passing by started hollering at me in German. Fortunately I did not have a clue what they were saying. The tire on my bike here is flat so I took it down to the bike shop to get it repaired. I will not get it until Saturday so I have been walking everywhere which has been quite lovely, despite the longer amount of time that is needed. Today I organized every single drawer in the kitchen. I find a ridiculous amount of joy in organizing. I took my first train 2 days ago. I was SO terrified of being taken far away into the middle of nowhere because I wasn't sure if I had gotten the correct ticket, boarded the correct train, or even if I knew the right name of my destination! God is good, and got me safely to the correct Platz, and I enjoyed walking around a very busy mall. Europeans are very tall...Also, the majority of the people are very thin and dress SO well. All the colors are very muted. What I have come to realize is that they are completely opposite of my style. I don't own an outfit with muted colors, nor will I ever be tall and reedy. It's not so bad being different though. I rather enjoy it. Oh, and they all smell good, but a weird good, like the cologne and/or perfume has expired. It's strange. I have noticed since I have been here that people write the number 1 very oddly. It looks like an upside down V. I wish they would stop. It's hard enough learning the language. When I go to buy a coffee or get a treat from a bakery, I realize that they could be giving me the wrong amount of change and I would be none the wiser. My skills in listening to German numbers are only sufficient if the person is speaking in slow motion! I bought stationary yesterday at a very tiny, cute store in the middle of town. When I got home, I realized I had no stamps to send the letters I wanted to write. Oops. Today I will go down to the Post Office and get some. I was under the impression that living in Europe would make me eat less since they have different eating habits, but NO. That was a lie. I enjoy the food so much that I eat more here then I did in Alaska. Healthier, yes. Smaller quantities, no. I do love that I have to walk and bike everywhere because it gives me enough exercise to feel accomplished every day. I miss dancing so I have been using the exercise room to improv. I am very glad there are no mirrors! I am trying to set up a meeting with a pastor from a church here to see if their beliefs are okay. I am craving church more than anything. Speaking of cravings... I just took some cupcakes out of the oven. The middle girl has her 7th birthday tomorrow. I am giving her one of my Grandma's homemade beaded purse necklaces with a few trinkets inside. She was lusting after it while exploring my room and since I have 2 of them, there was no harm in surprising her with it! I am excited to give it to her. Each breath is a gift, I must remember that. I will praise God for every moment he gives me to bear fruit in my life. Lord, let me be a blessing to these children, and fill their lives with your love. Amen!

Psalm 116

"I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the Lord: 'Oh Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!' Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; When I was brought low, he saved me. Return, oh my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believe, even when I spoke, 'I am greatly afflicted'; I said in my alarm, 'All mankind are liars.' What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord, I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Oh Lord, I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant. You have loosed my bonds. I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the Lord, in your midst, oh Jerusalem. Praise the Lord!"
He always listens. Even the tiniest whisper of a thought, he hears it. My soul has not rested fully in his presence these past few days. He 'delivered my soul from death', but I did not rest in his mercy. He 'took away the tears', but I cried them anyway. He 'stopped my feet from stumbling', but I fell down. 
My prayer request is this: That my soul would find rest not only during the joys, but also during the trials. 

Practice makes almost perfect

I got lost biking to the park. Instead I took him on a stroller ride into town to get some buns. Right as I came into the bakery, the lady pushed a bun into his hand and when he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out his pouch of coins, she laughed and said,"nein, nein!' So as he munched on his bun, I walked through town just looking at my surroundings. My eyes were very happy indeed. I went to a coffee shop and ordered a small coffee. My second time buying coffee, and I am in love with the experience. I am not so sure yet, but I think my voice is already adapting somewhat to the accents I hear around me. I'm wondering if that is good or bad... I helped the children bathe in the evening before dinner and it brought me to memories of when I was small and all 5 of us kids would cram into our tub and splash water at each other. They did exactly that except for the small difference that they decided I should be wet too. I decided to succumb to it instead of being angry which was a good idea because at that moment of decision, the middle girl jumped out of the tub and gave me the biggest hug she could, soaking me to the skin. I chose to laugh. After dinner, I talked with the parents about work and also a lot of ideas to ponder upon. After the next 2 hours passed by my brain felt tired with information. I have a lot to do these next few weeks so be praying for strength and faith. After the last few nights of little sleep, I finally slept a full 8 hours without constantly waking up! I have concluded that my sweet sleep was due to the glass of champagne I drank with dinner. Which would also bring me to the conclusion that I should have champagne nightly to insure my rest. Logical, isn't it? I made scrambled eggs for breakfast this morning and we also ate strawberries, (the best I have ever tasted) rolls with butter and jam, and hot tea. A bit after breakfast the girls had their piano lessons. After lessons, we played together for a bit. I brought them to my room and they explored all my belongings. They are so cute. The 'Boogie Box' is the first thing they notice and we take out all the notes, letters, photos, and jewelry and they inspect everything and read some of the notes. It is cute hearing them speak slow English in their accents. My vast supply of jewelry is fascinating to young girls of course, so I spend time putting on their favorite pieces and they ooh and awe. After browsing my room, we go to the music room and I paint their nails with the pink and blue polish Mrs. Dewinter bought me. They are SO excited and talk about which colors they want to use and about the size of their nails compared to mine. The eldest girl chooses pink on one hand and blue on the other, and on her toes she alternates the color. The middle girl chooses to alternate on her hands and her feet. I had so much fun being girly with them. We go and make lunch once we realize it's 2pm and we choose some silly straws to drink our juice with that matches our nails! When I had some free time I chose to stretch in the exercise room and it was very relaxing. My muscles are very tense from traveling still. I biked along the Rhine River for an hour and on my way back I noticed an opening in the trees and I thought to myself, "Hmm, this looks thrilling, let me inspect." I walked into a a rocky path with vines and branches close to my face and it opened up onto a bed of rocks by the river and a massive climbing tree with a rope. Naturally, I took my shoes off and started climbing up the tree! I stopped, sat down and leaned my head against the trunk and as I looked out over the river and the breeze swirled around me, I started crying. They were not sad tears and they were not happy tears. I just cried. A peace was in me, despite the newness of where I am and what I am doing. A large amount of prayers were spoken and a few answers were given. I must remember that no matter how far away from my family I am, God is as close as ever. He created the whole world, and he is as present in Dusseldorf as he is in Wasilla. I must cling to the hope he has set in me. If I let negative thoughts invade my mind, I will not further his kingdom. Filling my life and my actions with the fruit of the spirit, and living by faith will bring the obedience by faith that we are called to. (Romans 1) I am learning new ways to live, new rules to remember, new things to teach the children, new foods to make, new cleaning supplies, new everything. I am a woman of routine and my brain prefers to have that routine in a very straight line. At this moment, the routine is all there, but extremely scrambled. Practice will make almost perfect over time and I must be patient. To conclude for today, I must add that the m&ms and reeses that Anna gave me for the flight have been most popular with the kids. They figured out quickly where I stashed my sweets. I then figured out quickly how to lock my door. I love you all. I miss you all. Tschüss!

The magic of newness.

My teeth are clean!!! It is almost 6am and I have been awake since 4...sleep has been hard these first few days. I pray that I get into a schedule soon. I rode my bike to town yesterday and gazed at all the culture surrounding me. First of all, the bikes here are crazy! They look really big but they are so easy to ride in comparison to my bike in Alaska. I have a basket to put my jacket and bag in which is exciting. The streets are all cobbled and EVERYONE bikes EVERYWHERE. I am in love with that aspect of being here. I explored inside a castle, walked along the River Rhine, and bought my first Kaffee in a bakery. It was delicious. (I taught the little boy 'delicious' and it is his new favorite word.) The doors in Germany are very big. The key to get in the house is very strange and sometimes it takes me a few minutes to get inside! I got to play with the little boy yesterday and it was a blast teaching him English words and listening to him to catch some German as well. He is full of smiles and energy. I biked with the mom to ISD where the girls attend school and the trail there is so phenomenal!!! Along the way there is an apple orchard so we grabbed a few for the ride. :) She gave me homemade plum cake that she made with the plums from her tree for lunch and I quite literally 'whipped' up some fresh cream to put on top!!! It was the least sweet treat I've ever had, as well as my new favorite. I love the food here. It has not made me sick yet! The middle girl helped me put away all my belongings and she oohed and awed over my 'Boogie box' and all my jewelry. She loves my beaded purses that Grandma made and it is her birthday in 9 days so I am going to surprise her with one of them. :) The girls requested that I put them to bed last night so I went up and helped them get ready. They showed me pictures in their yearbook and talked about all their friends and teachers for a while. It is so fun telling them anything about my life because it is so different from theirs, so we have lots of fun together. They speak very good English and quiz me on German words frequently! They have discovered how much they like me to tickle their feet and knees. I have an inkling it will become a nightly event. They are so full of love, hugs, kisses, and snuggling. I love it. Today I start my first official day of work and I am taking the little boy to a park! I must depart now to shower and get ready to make breakfast with the mom. Pray for today that I do my job exceptionally! Much love to everyone...missing you already! Tschüss.

The journey

The realization of leaving hit me for the first time as I stood by the security line to say goodbye to mom. I had said so many goodbyes the last week but in that moment I felt the fullness of what I was taking on. Even though it terrified me I also felt that small part inside me telling me that this was the perfect time. I am ready for this. I definitely fought back the tears as I walked away by myself. Some of me was thrilled to be on my own and some of me was sad to be leaving that chapter of my life behind. Change is hard but I am running into it with an open heart. The minute I got past security and to my gate I was surrounded by foreign people all speaking different languages to each other. I sat down by myself and pulled out my current book, Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) so I would have a distraction. I already had a headache and didn't want any more tears to come! A man came and sat down next to me, clutching his passport. I glanced nonchalantly over my book to see where he was from and it read 'Italy'. I smiled. An airline attendant began speaking about the flight in German. For the first time, I had to wait to hear English second. I tried to remember words so I could pair them with the English. It was hard. I was almost at the end of the plane, and it was big but cramped. There were 3 sets of chairs per row and I was stuck in the middle set. I knew I had 9 hours ahead of me in that wretched chair. A young girl with her mom were next to me. I was too tired to talk to them. I walked to the back of the plane to ask an attendant where to put my big suitcase because it wouldn't fit in the luggage racks. The man didn't speak English very well and eventually handed me a label and said, "very important." My bag was gone. I tried not to freak out and took my seat, hoping I'd get to see my bag in Dusseldorf. They fed me 2 entire meals and about 5 rounds of drinks. It was awesome. The flight was treacherously long and I got basically no sleep. The tv on the plane showed where we were flying throughout the flight and I went over Greenland and right by Paris and a few other places. After finally arriving in Frankfurt I was really excited. I walked for a few hours around the airport. (it is HUGE!!!) I was soaked in sweat, and the bands of my pack were wet from being against my back. I had never needed water so badly in my life. I wandered for another 30 minutes trying to find a bank to convert my travelers checks into Euros so I could get water. It was very strange not having access to something so simple as water. Finally I found a bank and once I got my water bottle, guzzled it in a few seconds. I know I needed it badly because I drank so much and hardly had to go to the bathroom. Crazy!!! After a lot of waiting, I stepped into the bus to take me to my next flight. Then it started raining. Once the rain came, lightning and thunder followed and I loved it at first but then had a change of heart when we were taken back up to the airport because they had shut down all flights. I waited some more. I could barely keep my eyes open. At long last, I got to the plane. I got a window seat! Too bad the flight was a short and sweet 30 minutes. I stared out the window at Germany the entire way. The mountains are not Alaska mountains. But the trees are beyond comparison! Once I arrived, I knew Kerstin must have been waiting for a long time already, so I hurried to the baggage claim only to find that they baggage was delayed as well. I bought a cart and waited for 15 minutes to get my bags. 2 of them arrived but my small pink bag was nowhere to be found. Trying not to freak out, I pushed my cart to the help desk and filled out paperwork so I could have my bag eventually sent to my Germany address. Thank the Lord that I had the information written down in my notebook. Unfortunately, my laptop is close to dying and the european outlet I bought is in the suitcase I do not have. After filling out the paperwork and talking to a nice lady who had nannied in Canada, I walked out and looked for my new family, assuming she had left by now and that I'd have to sleep at the airport. I must've looked very american because a teenage girl walked up to me and asked, "are you the Au Pair from Alaska?" A wave of relief rushed over me and she led me over towards a big group of people. Suddenly, she comes sprinting over and gives me a huge hug, grabs my cart and keeps running as she tells me, "Oh, I'm so glad you're here Karly, we have no time! I locked my keys in the house and I have a parking ticket and the children are in the car." I laughed at how crazily I was entering into my new life. At least it is memorable, we both agreed. We made it out to the car and we quickly hauled my luggage into her car and I jumped into the front seat. The 3 children (my first though was, "Oh good. They're real.") were all sitting in the back speaking rapid German to her. I turned around in my seat and said, "Hallo!" They replied the same. I had a perpetual smile on my face, though I tried to hide it since she was stressed. The little boy had already melted my heart. Once we arrived at her house (We got there so fast, it was insane.) we had to wait about an hour for the guys to unlock the door. There is a gate that has to be opened to drive into where they live. It's so green and quaint looking. The middle girl gave me a house tour. The level you walk into has a dining room, kitchen, living room and a study. If you walk downstairs, that's my level where I have my own room and bathroom. There is also an exercise room, a spare bedroom, a bathroom and a sauna. The 3rd level is the parents room, a washroom, and a laundry room, and the 4th level is a bathroom and the kid's rooms. The styling is spectacular throughout the house. I will take pictures! I got to see their backyard which is spectacular! They have a plum tree with a ladder, a swing set, trampoline, chairs and a table, a porch, and their house is 4 stories high! The stairs wind up. I love it. I showed the kids my necklace from Boogie which they really liked and they laughed at her name. They loved my passport, I.D., and visa. They had already started teaching me some German words. I let them try one of my reeses chocolates. They had never had one. They said, "Mmm, chocolate!" (Imagine that in an accent...it makes a difference.) After touching base with my family, and putting my bags in my room, I talked with the mom for a tiny bit, drank some water and went right to bed! I am still very tired. I didn't want to sleep...technically it was the start of a new day in Alaska, and it was hard falling asleep. My toothbrush is in my lost bag and I really miss it at this moment. But if that's the least of my travel worries, I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I have no idea what is in store for me but I've decided that's what makes it so wonderful. Tis an adventure for sure. Thus concludes my first blog in the history of my life! I rest assured that you are all praying for me and I thank you for your support. It warms my heart. All the best, and I will tell of the adventures to come in my next entry. Tschüss!