Dream a little dream of me.

Hope is brought in the oddest of forms. Today as I sat on the train taking me home from church, a man next to me asked what I was reading and got really excited that my Bible was in English. That struck a conversation between us and we talked for 15 minutes in German as I explained what I was doing here, etc etc. During the conversation he told me I spoke lovely German and I felt a bubbly happiness rise inside of me at the words. Not just being able to understand them, but because it was a nice compliment for me since I knew I was struggling through sentences and sounding very elementary. Once he left, I looked out the window and couldn't stop a huge smile from coming out. I needed those words. It's hard being out of my element 24/7 but small affirmations that I'm doing okay make a world of difference. January has brought on some melancholy moods, most likely having to do with the bland colors, bland weather and bland schedule that January always brings. Basically, the aftermath of Christmas! I've been feeling extra lonely and out of place, missing home and craving time with my sisters and friends. Craving familiar roads, stores, all of the normal things that I have no access to. But since the Lord provides for our every need, I found myself going to church this morning with my friend Hannah and meeting loads of new young people. I went to lunch with them and even though most of the conversations were in German, I could understand the topics and simply being with other young people was immensely refreshing, just what I needed. Fellowship! Also, I have officially placed myself into a church for good. I initially intended on staying at Christ Church Dusseldorf but the pastor and his wife are leaving for a 5 month sabbatical and they are one of the main reasons I stay there. The other church I like is called Calvary Church Dusseldorf and I love it because it is a mixed language church so the preacher speaks English with a German translator and the worship songs play both languages so I can choose to sing German or English. Sometimes I choose to not sing at all and just listen to the voices praising Jesus in different words but one voice. It's incredible. Also they have a large amount of younger people and I really need to involve myself with others my age. So I am officially attending church solidly every week! Now that I am writing out these blessings I realize I should not be having such glum days. The blessings are so full and colorful, how can I complain? Somehow I find a way, much to my shame. Do you know one of the aspects of Europe in general that I am hopelessly in love with? Well you don't so I will tell you. Almost each time I meet someone they are from a different place. The culture is so rich, so packed with unique backgrounds and stories. It's my favorite part of getting to know people. Finding out where they come from, what their native language is and how they came to be in Germany. I am fascinated by culture. Hey, if you're looking for a good read, pick up the book Shantaram. It will keep you glued to your couch for endless hours! And now I want to go to India.

I like a man who grins when he fights!

Good old Winston...


Earlier this week, Jojo asked me to come to her school and sit in her English class with her so I came to the school on Thursday, thinking I would just be able to sit and see how the class worked. I walked in and she ran to me, boiling over with excitement. "Karly, come!" All the kids around her stared as she began explaining who I was in German. Her close girlfriends that already knew me made sure to give me big hugs and grab my hand or arm whenever possible while they jumped up and down. As I walked into the classroom the teacher came up to me and said hi, then I sat down with Jojo in her chair. As we pulled out her books the teacher said, "Today we will have less book work because we have an interview today!" All I can say is that I was glad it was a class of 9 year olds because I don't like being put on the spot like that! A few of the girls came over to me and gave me drawings. (One of my favorites said, "Hellow Karley") Each child had a piece of paper with which they had colored various designs and written at the top, "Interview with Karly." I stood in front of the class and answered various questions, phrased very carefully and sometimes difficult to understand! They were so darling. Johanna made sure to speak plenty of English with me so everyone could listen to her. She was simply the cutest. All in all, not what I expected but such a blessing! I can't say I didn't enjoy an entire class of 9 year old German children gushing over me, because I did. It was GREAT!!!


This afternoon I played soccer with Gereon and his friend and get this!!! - I wasn't terrible. It was strange. I might have ducked from the ball quite a few times and screamed a lot but I was holding my own against two 11 year old boys! I happen to be very proud of that, laugh if you must. I have never been good at sports and unfortunately I'm not one of those girls who is cute when they're bad. I just annoy everyone around me and I am tragically aware of it. Maybe this summer Gereon will kick me into shape? Get it? Kick! I wish Boogie was here to laugh even though it isn't funny.


Tomorrow evening I am having my pastor and his wife come to dinner and I'm surprisingly nervous! I'm baking cookies tonight and tomorrow I will be making rosemary and lemon salmon, rice, and steamed broccoli with a lemon-almond butter. I'm keeping it simple, but healthy and well flavored because that's what I love. I hope they also love that. It's always risky not doing something like pizza or something fried but that's just not what I like making! I want to showcase my style which is foods that helps my body, not food that hinders it. But anyways, I would love some prayer that they would like it and the evening would go well. I'm returning to Dusseldorf with them and staying over so I can attend church. I am so happy!


I'm attempting to learn akkusativ and nominativ in class right now and can I just say I want to poke my eyes out? But then I think too hard about it and realize that even without eyes I would still have my brain to learn so then I'd have to get rid of my brain and nothing comes to mind (Mind! Get it?!) so I must plunge headfirst (head... I continue to find this punny) into the grammatiks of the language. I don't want to sound like a troll from lack of grammar.


What I am learning right now is what it means to be humbled before God and submissive to His authority in my life. I'm wrestling with a lot of questions and insecurities and would appreciate prayer. Sometimes I feel so wretched I can't even talk to God. I forget that the very essence of God is love. If you have advice I'd love to hear it. John MacArthur has an incredible message about it at this website, http://www.gty.org/  entitled "Drawing Near to God part 1. 


Katie: sometimes I will sit down on the floor and cry because I want to hang out with you.
Kevin: I always brag about you when I'm describing my family. You've got awesome red hair and freckles and you dress perfectly.
Anna: I tend to describe you as an over-achiever. Also, I hate singing A Cappella. I miss our music sessions. (especially the late at night ones when everyone wanted to cut my throat open to shut me up!)
Shan: I have been telling people your name is Clifford. That's better then Shannon anyways right? You're welcome. 
Mom: I get excited clicking on your emails because you always make me laugh so hard. Your sense of humor gets wackier every day. 
Boogie Marie Willis: Appreciating you is insanely easy. Being halfway around the world only makes it easier. I love you, old bean. (I hope you die first so I don't have to get a tattoo. You would look better in one.)
Grandma: you are in fact the best Grandma there will ever be. You embody everything a Grandma should be and even more! I love eating your power packed cookies and I still remember when I came to visit and was sick on the plane over so when I arrived you had made me soup. Mmm! I'm saving up all the great things you do in my memory so I can be an equally amazing Grandma. Or at least give it a good shot! I love you!


I am watching a show with the children about Kung Fu fighters and now I want to hurt someone in a majestic manner.

Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men.

Though it would be far too easy for me to talk talk talk away the past month that I have not written about, that seems slightly irrational so instead I decided to write about whatever pops into my head regardless of when it happened. For instance, I have planned out my Friday mornings to bike to Holland and have my Bible study in a cafe along the border. My reasoning is that it's a 2 hour trip both ways so I get my daily exercise, I can speak English with the super cool waiters there since I speak zero Dutch, and I can have the delicious liquor they bring out with my coffee. This week I begin biking to school 3 times a week again. I got a new bike and I really hope no one breaks my lock and steals it this time. I took a train with Devan to the Frankfurt Airport deathly early on Sunday morning. As we stood at the base of the escalators and said our goodbyes, the past month of her stay rushed through my head and I couldn't help but smile despite the sadness. Once I turned and walked away, 2 or 3 tears slipped out as I succumbed to being by myself again. It truly is a curse and a blessing. It's one of the healthiest choices I have made for myself, to step out and be in more solitude with my thoughts and weigh out choices and actions with my own judgement, but it's also necessary for people to have other people in their life. I have to find that balance in my life as I get older. My relationship with God has been a struggle for me this past month. I have pulled away from the intimacy the Lord gives and I have lost some vigor in my growth and knowledge of God. I tend to think it comes from selfishness. When I get wrapped up so tightly in the world and everything around me, I lose sight of Jesus. I lose sight of the truth that none of my good or bad actions lead me to or away from him. He was, is and will be with me forever. But even then, I feel the weight of my sin, I feel the death that stalks me. The creation is groaning, waiting for God. Every muscle, every bone, every fiber of being ache with worldliness, reek of humanism. Veins pulse with unearned blood. Weary of movement yet afraid of stiffening and shriveling, heaving burdens through each curtained day, revealing a host of scars and stains through the veil of the visage. In other words, realizing the weight of my sin really hurts! It's drastically humbling and makes redemption so beautiful. I really miss the snow and chilly air that only Alaska can satisfy me with. I am insanely jealous, despite the cold temperatures. That I will never be jealous of! I always remember trying to start my truck at 5:30am, wrenching the key with both hands and still not being able to turn it on! I simply cannot miss those sorts of things. I do dearly miss the outdoor wilderness though. I miss hiking into the mountains and having no sounds around me. How I miss it! I want to hike so badly! I definitely enjoy the rain here though. It is lots of fun! Each raindrop in a kiss on my face, sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my nose!!! Sometimes it even hails and I love the strong winds. So let me go now to some brighter notes about my life! I am actually having a grand day so I should stop writing about struggles. I have so many blessings! Devan and I went to a town called Aachen and I am in love with it. We had cake and coffee at the oldest cafe in the city (and this city is oooold) and there were stairs and curves and all sorts of crazy designs going on! It was cramped and cozy and oh so cultural. I fell in love. We visited a beautiful church and saw some sculptures of Charlemagne. When we biked to the Netherlands, I was reminded of Alaska. We biked down a windy road that was surrounded by forests, and randomly a small cottage would pop into sight but it was so wild looking that I didn't want it to end! Belgium was fantastic. Devan and I did not see the famous statue but decided we didn't need to since we saw a billion replicas in every store. We had such fun strolling through all the small streets, eating samples of chocolates and pastries, learning about monk made beer and peering into numerous lace shops. So pretty! Devan found an entire store of miniatures. I could have created a mini life. I oohed and awed at everything in sight for quite some time. I was enamored! We accidentally wandered through a sketchy part of town. There was not a white person in sight and the roads were creepy and dark. So that was thrilling of course. We met some cool people and it was fun hearing all the French again! I love listening to it. Devan recognized some words and we enjoyed hearing everyone around us. I had a wonderful birthday/new year by the way! All the friends I met from our Juist vacation came to celebrate and there were piles of streamers, piles of food, plenty to drink, and dancing dancing dancing!!!!! More fun than dancing was watching everyone else dance. Soooo fun!!! I had a ball. We drank champagne while the fireworks went off around town and I wore a gold lacey dress and sparkly shoes that Devan was so kind to lend me. They looked like dorothy shoes except pure gold!!! Naturally I felt like a princess. Homework is currently beckoning to me so I must be up up and away.