Fresh as wine

Tuesday evening I took a train from Dusseldorf to Erkelenz to have an interview with a family from Wegberg, just a few minutes drive from Erkelenz. The moment I stepped from the train and met the father, I felt miles away from my Monday. I immediately began to make jokes and feel comfortable. It also helped that I got to drive in the tiniest convertible known to man kind!!! The motor was rumbling, the top was down, and classic rock music was blasting. That alone deserves 5 gold stars. When I arrived at their house, the 2 kids rushed up to the door to say hello and the mom came running over and gave me a big hug. We had dinner and enjoyed light conversation, then I pulled out one and a half pages filled with questions!!! I decided to be more prepared in knowing what was expected in me and what I could expect. After a good hour of answers to my questions, I was satisfied. I felt very confident and so did they. That evening, after asking opinions from Julia, I took the job. Now it's Friday, and I have arrived at my new home. We ate dinner outside in their garden and I managed to eat an entire pizza (why does that keep happening to me?) along with 2 glasses of wine and a giant chocolate bunny. Europe is good to my tummy. This family is so welcoming and loving. It seems too good to be true. One year is seeming too short now. I am excited to wake up tomorrow and start another day in this wonderful country. Praise God for being my provider. Despite my first experience here, I am giving it a fresh start. I am not giving up. Oh, and Italy, I will see you in a week!

Oh me oh my

Where to start, where to end? I have no answer to that question. Call me a crazy goon, but one day I wake up thinking life could not be any better and the next day I wake up thinking life could not be any worse. Maybe it is because I am a woman. Or maybe I am pure and simply a crazy goon. I am open to either possibility. Life, or should I say God, hands you unexpected surprises. Sometimes joyful, sometimes angering, sometimes loving, sometimes sorrowful. I have a handful of lovely surprises from this last week. During my time with Julia, I learned how to make marmalade with the freshest oranges and lemons imaginable, we made apple crumble from freshly fallen apples we found along the road, I have gained wonderful insight into the tricks of cooking and being a housewife in Europe, and most of all I have learned that sometimes all I need is a hug and a prayer from a mom. Any mom. The other day while I was out shopping and enjoying the sunshine, I stopped to have a drink and some lunch. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry but knew I needed to eat. I ordered an apple spritzer and a tomato mozzarella dish. I really had no idea what it would be, but those are 2 words that are very easy to say in German! When I had my meal delivered, it turned out to be an entire pizza. I had no desire to haul a box around with me the rest of the day and God knows I would never waste it, so I ate my way through all of it. I am impressed and you should be too. I attended an art gallery show with Thorston and we had a grand time! I had never even stepped inside an art gallery before and let me tell you, this gallery didn't even need any paintings!!! It was already so beautifully structured! I have never seen such spectacular architecture. Sunday morning found me on a bench across from church, reading and preparing my heart for worship. An old man bicycled up to my bench and sat down next to me. He said "Gutentag" to which I replied "Gutentag!"Despite my my lack of the language, I discovered that he is in his eighties, his wife died 10 years ago, he has 4 children, 3 grandchildren, and grew up in Germany his entire life. He attends church sometimes, but not every week. He explained to me which flags stood for which countries while we watched the boats go along the Rhine. I got to tell him my dreams and my faith and ask him where he was in life when he was my age. He blessed my heart and made me miss both my grandpas. Later that afternoon, I enjoyed a lovely outing and got to ride on a flying train!!! Truly. It was suspended above the city and I floated along from platform to platform!!! I was rather giddy. During the outing, amidst all my excitement I lost my camera. I am glad I bought a cheap one! I have been enjoying eating trifle, pudding, soufle, and all these crazy Harry Potter words that are simply marvelous! The sun has been warm and lovely today, but I still have found myself to be rather glum. It is indeed a Monday for me. Keep me in your prayers. I have 2 words to share with you that will explain some of my struggles...
German paperwork.
And that is all.

Blurred

I must ask you to excuse me if my update seems a bit blurred. The truth is, the past week has been a complete blur and I am just going to start writing and hope it comes out sensibly. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. That is the truth I have taken out of the past week, and past month since being in Germany. He has been the shade on my right hand. My strength and my treasure. I am currently lying in a bed at the Seamer's house. Stephen Seamer is the chaplain at Christ Church where I have been attending. Julia is his wife. The reason that I am sleeping here? I quite literally packed up all my belongings yesterday and left my home in Kaiserswerth. It's funny how stuffing your entire life into 3 suitcases takes an hour. God placed people in my life during the weeks I have been here that I did not realize would be such an important part of his plan for me. When I found myself with no home, no phone, no family, and 3 suitcases, God sent people that took me into their arms and supported me when I had nowhere to go in a foreign country. All my plans are rapidly changing, but what I find the strangest in the midst of so many REALLY STRANGE events is that I feel free. I feel like myself again. I didn't realize I was drowning until I got pulled out of the water. God gave me the strength to step out in faith and be on top of the waves. I dealt with conflict, I faced realities I did not want to face, I had unflinching honesty about self, world and love, I let God take the lead and show me HIS way, though it was far from where I wanted to go. Being on the other side of the storm, I see so clearly why it rained. The rain that caused me grief also taught me how to let God be my God. It let me open my heart to the wonders of the Lord's character and how he shapes my story. I know with all of my soul that I have great plans ahead of me. Any hardships that are along the way will be fought through with God at my side. I walk IN his faithfulness with his love ever BEFORE me. Bask in the picturesque glory of that statement. I could have chosen to regret traveling halfway across the world and finding myself jobless, homeless, and plan less. But despite the trials of where I was, that was what brought me to Germany. That was my ticket. Now that I am here, I have already met a vast amount of people that I would NEVER give up knowing, despite any hardships I might face. I have learned more about the world in this month than in my entire life. I am growing! I spent the afternoon peeling, dicing, and washing freshly picked apples from a tree Julia and I passed by while walking. We made an apple/blackberry crumble with them. Delicious. I went to a bible study at an Irishmen's house this evening. First time I have heard my last name spoken correctly. My entire life is up in the sky! I have no idea what is coming next and I am reveling in it. I am young and wild and adventurous! I will look back fondly on this year, even though the memories will be crevassed with pain that went deeper than ever before, and days that were the worst I have ever experienced, because molded into those memories will also be the greatest joys in my life and the most exhilarating sense of growth I have ever known. I am blessed. I am EXACTLY where God wants me. I am going to seize every day that comes my way. Carpe Diem. I am the pencil and God is my eraser!!! He truly fixes all the errors. I realize that I have not given much detail into my situation, but for privacy reasons, I will be keeping it that way. For further questions, I will be more than willing to answer (most of them) just send me an email or a message on Facebook. I love you all. Tata for now.

Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy

I was sitting at one of the train platforms waiting to meet with a man from Christ Church Dusseldorf who was going to take me to a bible study. I had never met him and had no idea who to look for. I also felt like I had gotten off at the wrong platz... Not wanting to sit in agony wondering if I was in the right place, I pulled out my bible to distract myself. A man walked by me talking on the phone. He said, "chow" before ending the call. He tapped my shoulder on when I looked up he asked me in German if I had any cigarettes. I said no and that I spoke mostly English. He immediately began speaking to me in English but it was obvious he did not know it very well. I talked with him for a few minutes just to be polite and discovered that he was from Italy, and was in Dusseldorf for college. After 10 more minutes passed and he had included "is their a special man back home," "do you have a boyfriend," and "oh you're not married" at least 2 times each, I started getting nervous. I tried reading my bible again but he didn't seem to mind talking anyways! He asked me the same questions over and over like he had forgotten the last few minutes of our conversation. That frightened me. He also kept shamelessly flirting with me and I did not know how to escape other than to get up and start running. At long last, his train arrived. He reached out, grabbed my hand and kissed it! The moment he left, I said, "Oh God, that was such a bad idea, I'm so sorry I talked to him!" Then after a few moments, I said, "You know what, I am safe, I met a man straight from Italy, and he kissed my hand!!! I will not complain about this, I will soak up such a magical moment." So I did, and it was a marvelous choice indeed. The bible study was very good and I met some wonderful and cultural people, plus some delicious Indian food!!! 

While out walking a few days ago, I saw a fox staring at me on a meadow to my right. What a beautiful creature! Guess what? I have been very productive this week! I got a bank account (which is confusing in a foreign country, I promise) and the woman who was helping me might need an Au Pair in a years time so she gave me her card and I might have another job after this one! We shall see what doors the Lord chooses to open up. Having that possibility was a moment of sunshine in my day.

The middle girl had her birthday party last Saturday, so the entire day was filled with small children, food, presents, messes, you get the point. I was drained by the evening time. Fun, but not so fun... The kids all stuffed teddy bears and I stuffed the little boys with him. I got to sew them together once the kids stuffed them with some fluff. I really enjoyed it. I had 2 glasses of champagne and some coffee, and by about 7pm I was feeling REALLY dizzy. I know that's pitiful, but I don't usually drink more than one glass of alcohol. My dreams were filled with the events of the day except changed ever so slightly so when I woke up, what had actually happened and what I had dreamed were slurred together. I have limited myself to one glass only since then...

Sunday morning, I made breakfast for the family, then got on my bike to ride along the Rhine to Christ Church Dusseldorf! I was pumped since it was my first church service since being here. Halfway through the ride it started pouring rain. My instinct was to be irritated since I had put mascara on to look fancy and now it was all going to slide off. But that irritation didn't last long. I began to laugh like a crazy person and revel in the downpour around me. If I can't stop it from raining, why bother wasting negative energy on it? I was going to church to worship God, not look fancy. I even biked a bit fast and had time to stop at a cafe and have some hot coffee while I studied my bible. The service was not what I expected, and I haven't given a definite opinion on it yet, but I know for sure that I love the people there. They are so welcoming. I enjoyed the afternoon with the family I met at the first home group I attended. They are so wonderful! Their children are so adorable. We went to a festival in their village and it was so cultural! Their were hundreds of Germans in crazy costumes parading around the streets, singing, dancing, marching, playing music, riding horses, sitting in carriages being pulled by Clydesdales, shooting guns, the list goes on and on. I soaked it in while drinking ONE mug of beer. 

I met with the chaplain of Christ Church today and really enjoyed the company of a strong church leader. It was comforting. I have met a lot of new people and have been in touch with a lot of new people that I hope to meet in the future. I am excited as I continue stepping with God through each day. All I can do is focus on the day ahead of me. Looking forward more then that will put me in a state of panic! I have trained my mind not to wander, but to be in the moment I am in. 

The little boy and I went to a music class on Monday and it was one of those 'out of the movies' moments, where I sit down with him in a circle with 7 other mom's and toddlers. The entire class was in German so I could not memorize ANY of the songs! I followed along as best I could without looking like a total idiot, as we did various exercises with the kids. He stayed very clingy and lovey dovey with me since he did not know anyone. I can't say I minded. At one point, the kids would run to specified parts of the room and make music with the walls, cabinets, etc. He would come running back to me every time and jump into my arms, kissing me and squeezing me. I had never felt that bond with him so strongly. It was a good step. He is becoming attached to me and I am loving it! The girls are very easy to talk and relate to. Anytime I spend alone with them, they become glued to my side, holding my hand, sitting by me at the table, talking endlessly to me. I am glad I don't feel quite as alienated as the first week!!! 

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. The little boy about dies laughing every time I say that. He tries to repeat it but can't even come close. It is beyond adorable. I wish I could say that my life here is easy peasy lemon squeezy. But then again, where would be the growth if there was no challenge? I still don't know what I was thinking when I bought my ticket to Germany. It was so out of the blue and though it seems sensible to doubt myself, I can't. Every time I try, this sense of peace and confidence comes over me. I know this is where I should be. I made the right choice. It wasn't an easy choice but this year is going to refine me. This morning, I cried the entire way through getting ready for the day. I miss my family. I miss my home. But today was one of my better days here, despite the rough start. I cried out to God to be my comfort and I sought His words through the Psalms during any breaks in my day. I sought his love and faithfulness and he answered me! He comforts me. He fills up all my empty spaces. 

Choice

My chest bears a weight that pours into my mouth when I think of home. Be still, oh my soul. Find rest in the arms of Jesus. My days have been roller coasters! I have the choice each morning to be one with my joys or my pains. Adjusting to someone else's life is harder than I imagined. I had a victory yesterday. I attended a home group bible study and got to be surrounded by a wonderful Christian family! They have 4 children, (3 boys and 1 girl) and their house is crazy, messy, fun and so full of love! I felt automatically at home. It was my first time meeting and hanging out with someone since I have been here. It felt so good. It helped me realize that this could be one of the greatest and most memorable experiences of my life. It's harder to realize that during most of my days here. This evening I watched Mamma Mia with the family and we snuggled up on the couch and sang along to all the songs. For the first time since being here, I felt at home and I was genuinely enjoying myself. I wasn't on edge, wondering if I was doing everything right, I wasn't thinking about the soul ache I have from missing mom, I wasn't worrying about getting my visa, finding the right German class, registering, getting a bank account, etc etc. My soul found a quiet time and I reveled in it! Praise God for another victorious moment. The middle girl had a wonderful birthday on Thursday afternoon. She wore the beaded purse necklace I gave her and pranced around the house, dancing on the counters, being her usual crazy self. She reminds me of Shannon sometimes. When I was reading with her during bedtime I noticed that she had put one of my mailing address labels on her nightstand. I smiled. I enjoy being cherished. Saturday morning I bought some buns from the bakery then came home and made scrambled eggs with the girls while we listened to the Mamma Mia soundtrack and danced and sang to all the songs. The girls LOVE the movie and the middle girl jumped on the counter (no surprise there...) and began to rock out to "Dancing Queen." Saturday was a good morning. Later that afternoon, the parents both left for the weekend and thus began my first night with the kids alone. I was not scared but I hoped very much to not disappoint when they came back. The little boy managed to fall asleep with only a few tears and I even had an hour to myself in the morning to speak with mom! The kids came peering around the corner at 8am and got to meet my mom on Skype. Having her see and talk to them made me realize what a gift I have been given to care for these children. On Sunday afternoon we baked cookies together which was a very messy but outrageously fun time! I can now empathize with mom when she ranted about the mess of baking with small children. I had an adventuring day earlier on Thursday. I bought a train ticket to an unknown destination and waited to see where it would take me. I ended up walking in Nord Park which is now one of my favorite places here. It is spectacular. Beyond spectacular. There is not a word to describe the beauty. The amount of green fields and massive trees make me very happy indeed. My eyes grow tired from gazing at everything around me! My feet grow weary from walking as long as they will take me. I was brave enough to venture into the big city area and as I was walking a man hollered at me and began to follow me. I kept my cool and conversed with him politely but after a few minutes a bit of panic began to set in and I felt slightly helpless so in my desperation I told him I had a boyfriend and he needed to not waste his time on me any longer. He then replied, "Oh, girl you like needs good man like him, yes yes you do. Very good." That was the last I saw of him and I was thankful although a small part of me felt bad for lying. I took a bike ride along the River Rhine yesterday and the majesty of the Lord surrounded me. Such a different beauty fills this land than what fills Alaska. God created different parts of the land so uniquely, just like he created people so uniquely. I sat down on a rock wall overlooking the river and the wind was blowing so hard, I couldn't hear anything that wasn't right next to me. Assuming everyone else was experiencing that same problem, I started singing. I sang to Jesus in the midst of his beauty and I was filled with peace. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. Tomorrow night I will most likely get the chance to attend a different home group bible study through the same church. I am very excited. There are a lot of words on my "worry list" right now and my request to you is that you would pray for me as I attempt to let tomorrow worry about itself, and know that the Lord knows my every step before I take it. (Psalm 139) There are bright shining moments that peek out from the clouds during my day. That is a gift, but the gift is a choice. Jesus offers me beauties but I must accept them. That is my choice. I pray that as the days continue, I would ALWAYS seek the Lord first, and let everything else be added to me. I will end with a few verses from Psalm 130 that struck my heart today. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."