Carried Away

"God wants us to trust him with abandon. Walking in genuine intimacy and full surrender to God takes great faith. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different than you. But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if he doesn't come through." - Francis Chan


The last few weeks I've been questioning God big-time on my purpose here in Germany and how I should proceed with my life. All the usual things... wanting to know if I should study german or if I should go home, or if I should go off to college in the states, or study in English somewhere in Europe, etc etc etc. I was praying pushy prayers and trying so desperately to receive a direct path with the end in view. I admit, even now, I want to know. I want to know if I will stay here or not and if my purpose is here or not. But I sometimes highly underestimate how big God is. How much bigger his eyes are than mine. How much greater his purpose is than mine. How he will not stop the work he started in me, and I don't have to try and find what to do because he will lead me there. My job is to follow him in faith. Oh how I wish living the truth was as easy as believing it. 


What struck me today was this: Amidst all the questions whirling in my head, amidst all the homesickness and loneliness, amidst the laughter and the tears, amidst the experiences that fill me with culture or just leave me wanting Alaska, this is what I know: God wanted me out of my comfort zone. He wanted me to leave everything familiar to my heart and soul except him. He wanted me to see that I don't need a single item if I have him. I lived a comfortable life and I liked it. I love my family and I lived with my family. I love to dance and I danced almost every day. I love to sing and I sang constantly with my sister. I love church and I stayed involved with my church. I love a good old steady work schedule and I worked steady hours each week. I was living a comfortable life and I had a comfortable relationship with God. I loved him and I served him but I never put myself out of my comfort zone for him. I worked in the areas I knew and liked. I knew the Lord only as deeply as I knew my comforts. He was not my ultimate comfort. Oh how that has changed. He has deepened my need for him and in turn, my love for him. I'm beginning the journey to actually knowing the Lord, in an intimate way I have never known before. He is helping me set my eyes on him and on eternity. On what truly matters. When he returns, I don't want to see him and shrink back in fear, dreading the words 'I never knew you.'
"And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming." 1 John 2:28


I want to live a radical life for him all my days and take the steps that Jesus took, live the life that Jesus lives, just like he commands. I cannot pretend anymore that my life is about me. It's not about what makes me "happy" whatever that even means. It's about bringing God glory. If he called me to never go back home again, would I trust him? I cannot ignore those sorts of questions anymore. They are forever in the forefront of my mind. If I'm falling deeper in love with my Saviour with each passing day, I should be giving more to him with each of those days because the more in love you fall the more you want to sacrifice. He sacrificed absolutely every part of himself. Will I? 
"Through him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name." - Hebrews 13:15


Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my family in Venlo, Holland. We took a drive into the city and walked around a bit. The buildings are so fascinating to me! It was my first time seeing where we crossed the border since usually I am biking through the woods. We ate delicious french fries and soft ice cream. It was my first time being in a city in Holland. Usually I only bike to a few smaller towns along the border so it was very exciting! On Friday we went to a carnival in Erkelenz with the kids and that was a blast. I got a little bit scared on the ferris wheel, but before you scoff I would just like to say it was very big and it twirled! The kids were simply darling and it brought back so many fair memories from when we went on all the rides together. Saturday was spent at a park/zoo in a town called Jülich and I saw wolves, peacocks with babies strutting through the streets, wild boars, and even baby goats which made me realize I would really truly love to have a baby goat named Peter Pan who stays tiny and adorable forever and ever. We wandered through some underground tunnels in a castle/moat and the kids attempted to scare me around every dark corner. We went down big slides with our jackets wrapped around our waists so we would go at the speed of light. It was frightening. When we got home, we drove over to a friend's house and watched the football game against Portugal. It was the fastest game I have ever seen played. There feet are like blurs! And the noise driving home of all the cars honking (Britta included!) and people yelling victory cries was quite amusing! They've sure got spirit. 


The kids saw the youtube video "Threw it on the ground" or whatever it's called and have been a bit obsessed with it. Jojo woke up this morning, walked down the stairs and as she entered the kitchen, instead of saying good morning she said, "Hey Karly, throw it on the ground!!!" to which I replied, "happy birthday to the ground!!!" And that was our good morning greeting. 


I rode to school in a rainstorm and it was glorious but then the entire class I was freezing and the way home was really quite cold. I should really bring extra clothes from now on! My bed is calling my name and it's becoming harder and harder to ignore. Let the love of Christ transform your life and carry you away into his arms for eternity!!!

Nature vs. Desire

Would you see me the way you see the heavens when they cry?

Would you carry me the way you carry the raindrops in your eyes?

Would you touch me the way you touch the flowing brooks and streams?

Would you know me the way you know the bending of the trees?

Would you hold me the way you hold the daisies in your arm?

Would you kiss me the way you kiss away the sin and the harm?

Would you take me the way you take the sand into the sea?

Would you love me the way you love for all eternity?

This afternoon called for some poetry writing! Today I celebrated "Fronleichnam" with my family. Jojo had her communion dress on, Gereon had his Pfadfinder outfit on, and we went in the morning to a church service in Wegberg. After the service, there was a procession to a small village called Beeck where we stopped in the center where big banners were hung up around a cross and they sang some songs. Then we went to another church service and I recited the Lord's Prayer in English during the German version. It sounded so cool, and Eva, I thought of you and that soccer field where you taught me!!! :) Of course, following the service was a bountiful provision of food and drinks. We came home in the afternoon and enjoyed a delicious asparagus themed lunch on the veranda, enjoyed a relaxing afternoon, then drove to the outskirts of Mönchengladbach and into the forest where a restaurant was hidden. I ate a huge pizza. We sat outside under the umbrellas while the rain poured down. Gereon and I have been bonding over Harry Potter the past week. And we learn the craziest words from each other! Like "invisibility cloak" and "upside down." It's great! 

My happenings have not been recorded lately which is sad because I tend to forget all the little details that bring me such joy. I try to write things down but the past 4 months or so it just hasn't happened. I haven't even been using my camera. It really is such a shame. It's coming up on a year since I've been in Germany! I truly am astounded by that. Time is confusing. 

Last Sunday night on my walk home from the train station, I tried to save a baby bird. The end result was an hour or 2 later I was sitting on the veranda crying as I watched him sitting helplessly in the nest I gave him, knowing he wouldn't be alive come morning. It was one of those "build up" moments where the entire preceding week I'd been getting ready to break and then watching my failure to keep a baby bird alive was my snapping point. I curled up on the ground and cried about absolutely everything imaginable for about 20 minutes, then I decided to go to my room and cry there instead. I ended up trying to speak with my mom but it was mostly tears, then poor Katie got to listen to the rambling after effects of my cry. When I woke up the next morning, I could barely see and was not feeling happier. I was unloading the dishwasher when Britta walked into the kitchen and really all it took was a few words from her before I burst into tears with some cups in my hand as I bent over the dishwasher!!! Not one of my finest moments. We spoke for a long time on the veranda and I felt more at peace. This past week I've been feeling the intensity and reality of studying here and making sure I'm 100% sure of my choice. So I'm in the midst of choosing which school course to take and would appreciate prayer and encouragement. I've also been praying for more convictions in my life and what needs to change and God is sure delivering on that one! Convictions are hard and I would also love prayer for me to have open eyes and a strengthened heart that acts on the convictions.  


Seeing as I've been here more than 9 months, Germany is no longer a crazy adventure that leaves me breathless with every new experience, but it's somehow even better, even richer. Sometimes I forget the magic I first felt when I would go biking here through the cobbled streets, or when I'd see vines intertwining around brick buildings, or how ecstatic I was to ride my first train. When I recapture those moments, the richness of my blessings return and I am filled with thankfulness, not only because I can once again appreciate the wonderful opportunity I have here but also because I realize how much Germany has been embedded into my character and my life. 

I mentioned this briefly in my last post, but with a bit more detail I will tell you about Jojo's first communion. She walked into the living room in the morning and twirled around in her white dress with buckled shoes and flowers in her hair. She was glowing. We walked to the church in the sunshine and pretty dresses, and then I sat with Oma and we talked in German about prayers and Bible verses until the service began. I nearly cried when Jojo took her communion. She had sung me all her songs the previous week so when we sang them in church, I wasn't totally lost! After the service, we spent the entire day at the house with 30 people having lunch and dinner. It was so fancy! There was a waitress who walked around with a tray offering different drinks, and a butler who cooked a 4 course lunch and served us! After lunch, I spent the afternoon talking in German with everyone. If I don't speak English for over an hour, it's easier to speak German because it becomes part of my thoughts. We had coffee and cake in the afternoon, and of course beer throughout the day. I played with an adorable toddler who asked me cute questions and we played with the bunnies, and jumped on the trampoline together. It was a grand celebration weekend over all!!!

In conclusion, I read a very interesting question this week that simply must be shared. 

If you could have heaven with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven if Christ was not there?

We should NEVER be satisfied without Christ, who is the love of our life for now and evermore. Let us always examine ourselves and draw into a closer relationship with him as we await the intimate eternity in store for us. "For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." - Matt. 7:14