Glimpses of Glory

Picture the longest table your eyes have ever laid sight upon. A table that spans the length of 2 normal sized rooms. Take that picture and add 25 people, lots of food, lots of wine and a lot of laughter. Guess what? I was in that picture and it was awesome. I was at the center of the villa with the entire group sharing a meal together. The cook served 5 different courses, starting with breads smeared with olive creams and other strange, but oddly delightful flavors. There were locally made bottles of wine placed along the table every few feet and sparkling water at the same intervals. The second course was a ravioli served with freshly grated parmesan. The third course came along in the form of freshly sliced bread with green salad tossed in homegrown olive oil and salt. It was divine. The fourth course brought fried potatoes with grilled meat that looked like turkey, but I chose not to ask. Finally, a giant platter of Tiramisu was brought from the depths of the kitchen into our presence and we basked in it's picturesque glory before digging into at least 2 helpings each. It happened to be the best tiramisu of my life. As if the 5 course dinner was not enough, I managed to make connection with 2 girls that were staying at the villa who speak German, Italian, and a little bit of English. It is beyond fascinating to discuss and learn the differences in languages. 

I went to a castle up in the mountains to attend a wine tasting! I have wanted to go to a wine tasting for quite some time and I am so thrilled I finally achieved that. The castle was absolutely spectacular and even though the man spoke German throughout the tour, Eva translated most of it for me. On top of making wine there, they also make olive oil from the trees around the castle. It tasted ever so lovely with the fresh bread it was drizzled over. So now I can officially say I have been to wine tasting, and in a castle at that! 

My time has been spent mostly at the racetrack this weekend. Seeing people "in their element" is quite amusing to me and I enjoyed observing the sights, smells and sounds that encompassed me. The mechanical smell of fuel, oil, tires and exhaust is absolutely divine to my nose. Listening to the revs of hundreds of motors and the buzzing of bikes passing by on the track is music to me ears! Seeing the different colors and shapes of all the motorbikes and seeing the different gear each person wears was also quite pleasing to my eyes. I found one that was all yellow. The entire bike and also the suit and helmet of the rider. I though of you, Kevin! Even though the days were long, I am glad I am more educated on the subject of motorbike racing. As we drove away for the last time, I looked back and I saw a cat sitting on a hill to the right of the road just relaxing, being a typical cat. I started laughing. Wild cats are normal in Italy, I suppose. 

While out shopping, I walked down a small street and entered into a tiny, cramped shop filled with candles, baskets and similar old people items. Somehow, I kept looking. I was sifting through some postcards with adorable paintings of children on them and the woman working there heard me say something to myself and immediately said, "If you need me to speak English, I can" which I thought sounded a bit eager, since I had not even spoken to her! But I turned around and said, "oh yes, I speak a little German, but mostly English, thank you." She then described to me that she is from the states and moved here to be with her Italian husband. I told her my story of how I came to be in Italy, and also in Germany. At that moment, her husband walked over to me. He started talking about how he had gone to the states to be with his wife and did not know any English but learned in 6 months simply because no one could speak Italian with him. I found that very encouraging! We talked for 15 or 20 minutes and they were completely charming! I found them to be absolutely marvelous. They brightened my day and I made sure to buy some postcards before I departed. 

Saturday afternoon, standing outside by the car waiting to leave for the racetrack, I looked down at my feet to admire my new Italian shoes (only 10euros!) and I rested my eyes upon a pear. I thought to myself, "Hmm, there is a pear on the ground. How odd. I must investigate." I glanced above my head and behold, there was a tree. As I looked closer, I could see the pears hanging down and I promptly jumped up and down in excitement and in mid-jump grabbed the most perfect looking pear and ate it simply for the experience even though I had just eaten breakfast…and it was delightful. And thus ends my 'discovery of a pear tree' story.

Stars are something I have been missing since being here. They are scarce in comparison to Alaska it seems. As I was closing my laptop to walk back up the mountainous road to the villa, I suddenly realized how dark it was. Determined not to get all worked up into a frenzy and scare myself, I began my trek up the road. I began to pray and happened to glance back down the road as I was talking. I stopped dead in my tracks and my words. Spread before me was a rich canopy of deep navy sky, heavily dotted with glimmering stars and in the midst of it all, the moon shone out bright and strong, allowing my eyes to fully capture the expanse of world which was sliding into my being through my eyes. Nothing can compare to the glimpses of glory the Lord shares with us. Though the night was cold and my body was tired, something had me rooted to the ground, unable to peel my feet from the surface and walk away. To add to the teetering stack of wonder I had compiled over the last few moments, a shooting star shot through the glossy sky, enveloped into the navy darkness within two seconds. These are the spaces of time where my own smile is not enough. These are the spaces of time where Jesus is smiling with you.

Lazy Mountain Bible Church, I would like to address each and every member and/or person who goes there. I miss you. Even though I do not know all of you personally, I miss the strength and fellowship you bring. My heart and soul ache to be in your sanctuary worshipping with you again. Before I fall asleep on Sunday evenings, I think of you all at church and long to be with you. God has opened many doors and avenues for me here and I had found a solid church, but these past few weeks of traveling and changing jobs have found me to be searching once more for a place to worship. I feel withered and dried up from lack of fellowship. Despite that, our Lord is very great and I am continually strengthened by his love and faithfulness. As I am surrounded by many different beliefs and opinions about the world, I have begun to learn more about why I believe what I believe. Even so, I need help. I need prayer. Dear church, please pray for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers often, as you continue to know Christ and to make him known. I long for the day when I will step through those doors again! 

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ." - 2 Corinthians 2:14-17

Villas & Motorbikes

Snuggled in a nest of blankets in the back of a red van, sitting atop suitcases and bags (and a motorbike) I drove out of Germany, into Austria and finally crossed the border into Italy. Rafael, the villa owner, came and picked us up to bring us up the mountain to the villa. As I gazed upon the hills and valleys of Tuscany, it made me think back to 3 months ago when I was biking to work, wondering what I was going to do with my life. Surprise! Here I am, creating a new pool of memories and emotions to dive into when I am older. We finally arrived at the villa on Saturday afternoon after road tripping for 2 days. We were beyond exhausted! We are situated at the very top of the mountain (Italian mountain, mind you.) and the view is spectacular. There are other parts of the villa below us and if I want to go swimming or use internet, I have to take a 10 minute hike to get back home! After settling in, I found myself very glum and I just wanted to cry. This confused me since I had held Italy in my thoughts as some sort of magical dream, not something I would ever attain but something I could pull out and examine in detail and wonder, letting my imagination ebb and flow. But instead of feeling completed in my joy of a dream come true, I felt empty. I was seeing Italy with my eyes, but my heart did not respond to it. I walked down in the fading light to an internet accessible area of the villa and Skyped with my mom. It was pitch black outside and my feet were frozen, but I was happier than ever. She cheered me up and comforted me and I am grateful. I showed her the "villa kittens" that are running around everywhere and she told me funny stories to get a smile on my face and also gave me advice on how to see my struggles in new perspectives. I have a truly marvelous mother. She picks me up even when she's falling down. That is a selflessness I pray I will give back to others. The following morning, after telling myself it was going to be a good day, various people began to arrive and fill up the rooms. It is always tricky meeting people and figuring out how much English they know. I can't exactly carry an intelligent conversation in German yet, though I have improved a vast amount from when I arrived! Sunday afternoon was the highlight of my stay here so far. I got geared up in boots, pants, suspenders, jacket, neck protecter, gloves and helmet and basked in the glory of feeling "cool." You all know how difficult that is for me. The man who I was riding with was the designer of the bikes so his signature was etched into all the bikes. I felt excitement rising as I climbed onto the seat and held on tight. The rush of energy that went through me as he started the engine continued to rise as we began down the long hill to the roads below. Once we got through a few towns we began to climb a curvy mountain. The twists and turns and revs of the engine slapped a grin on my face that ached as my cheeks pushed against the sides of my helmet. I literally couldn't stop smiling! The rush of the wind, the rush of the beauty surrounding me, the rush of thinking, "I'm motorbiking through Italy with a super cool guy" and the rush of gripping tightly to the bike as we zoom around the constant curves and wondering if I am going to fall off and die. Today I start a new week and my prayer request is that I would seek and find good perspectives in my day. I am struggling with sadness and I miss you all very much. I would not change where I am for the world, but sometimes I am thrown off guard by what truly brings me joy. Joy does not always come from those big dreams you grew up fantasizing about. Sometimes joy is that short conversation with someone you love. At the end of it all, love is always first. It always has been and it always will be. 

Düsseldorf

My blog is titled, "My Au Pair adventure in Düsseldorf" and now that seems like an incorrect title since I live in Wegberg. But I am not changing it because when I stopped to think about it I realized this: Düsseldorf was the beginning of my adventure, the beginning of the relationships I have made, the beginning of my journey to learn about self, world and love. Düsseldorf will not be my ending, but it will always be where I began. 


Monopoly has never been a game that I succeed at. The kids just so happen to love Monopoly. By the time we stopped playing to have dinner, I had 22euro to my name and they had hotels on practically every property. I owned all 4 railroads but the rest of my property had been mortgaged so I could pay them for always landing on their property. It is a very good thing that I have succumbed to not being competitive in certain areas that I know I will fail at. The bright side to this experience was that I practiced my German numbers!!! I am quite good now. I can say numbers up to the thousands, and the format is becoming more familiar to listen to. I am proud. The kids are not as fluent in English so it is fun helping each other learn words. I have gotten better at understanding what people are saying. It fills me with a sense of exhilaration!!! I was privileged enough to snuggle up with the kids to "Barbie: Die Prinzessin Akademie" a few nights ago. As I sat there with my little sister's head in my lap, I realized a few small blessings I was thankful for. We were eating chocolate and potato chips on the couch, I had my feet curled up on the seat, and it was past the kid's bedtime. Those things could have gone unnoticed but I am glad they did not. I am glad the Lord opened my eyes at that moment to see some of the beauties he surrounds me with. Just 2 months ago, I would not have appreciated those 3 things. But I see now that hard experiences open your eyes to the blessings you get, no matter how small. They always make a difference, always penetrate.


I am currently looking out the window at a darling squirrel bounding through the garden! I am glad we do not have a dog to go chase it and kill it in front of me. (Kristen and Katie, you two alone will understand my strange fear of squirrel death by dog...) Dad, I went to a Catholic church last Sunday and it was all spoken in German! My favorite parts were the singing. Hearing the words filling the room was an experience I cannot compare to anything. I enjoyed attempting pronunciation. :) Yesterday I went out with my family on our bikes in a big circle around Wegberg so I could get a tour. We stopped at a water mill and had some beer. (apple juice for the kids!) There are a lot of water mills in Wegberg! That is my random and slightly useless fact of the day. We got to bike through forests and fields which I liked very much. When we got back home, we prepared a delicious BBQ and I ate so much I almost fell asleep right then and there!!! We had some more beer as well, which was lovely. 


I leave on a train this Thursday from Erkelenz to Düsseldorf, then from Düsseldorf to Bad König to meet up with Eva and her family! On Friday we will drive to Italy. I am sure that my next blog will be packed full of wonderful, Italian experiences. For now, I must be off to prepare a delicious lunch! I am HUNGRY. Also, the kids need to eat. :) Tata for now! 


James 1:16-18
Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.

Fresh as wine

Tuesday evening I took a train from Dusseldorf to Erkelenz to have an interview with a family from Wegberg, just a few minutes drive from Erkelenz. The moment I stepped from the train and met the father, I felt miles away from my Monday. I immediately began to make jokes and feel comfortable. It also helped that I got to drive in the tiniest convertible known to man kind!!! The motor was rumbling, the top was down, and classic rock music was blasting. That alone deserves 5 gold stars. When I arrived at their house, the 2 kids rushed up to the door to say hello and the mom came running over and gave me a big hug. We had dinner and enjoyed light conversation, then I pulled out one and a half pages filled with questions!!! I decided to be more prepared in knowing what was expected in me and what I could expect. After a good hour of answers to my questions, I was satisfied. I felt very confident and so did they. That evening, after asking opinions from Julia, I took the job. Now it's Friday, and I have arrived at my new home. We ate dinner outside in their garden and I managed to eat an entire pizza (why does that keep happening to me?) along with 2 glasses of wine and a giant chocolate bunny. Europe is good to my tummy. This family is so welcoming and loving. It seems too good to be true. One year is seeming too short now. I am excited to wake up tomorrow and start another day in this wonderful country. Praise God for being my provider. Despite my first experience here, I am giving it a fresh start. I am not giving up. Oh, and Italy, I will see you in a week!

Oh me oh my

Where to start, where to end? I have no answer to that question. Call me a crazy goon, but one day I wake up thinking life could not be any better and the next day I wake up thinking life could not be any worse. Maybe it is because I am a woman. Or maybe I am pure and simply a crazy goon. I am open to either possibility. Life, or should I say God, hands you unexpected surprises. Sometimes joyful, sometimes angering, sometimes loving, sometimes sorrowful. I have a handful of lovely surprises from this last week. During my time with Julia, I learned how to make marmalade with the freshest oranges and lemons imaginable, we made apple crumble from freshly fallen apples we found along the road, I have gained wonderful insight into the tricks of cooking and being a housewife in Europe, and most of all I have learned that sometimes all I need is a hug and a prayer from a mom. Any mom. The other day while I was out shopping and enjoying the sunshine, I stopped to have a drink and some lunch. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry but knew I needed to eat. I ordered an apple spritzer and a tomato mozzarella dish. I really had no idea what it would be, but those are 2 words that are very easy to say in German! When I had my meal delivered, it turned out to be an entire pizza. I had no desire to haul a box around with me the rest of the day and God knows I would never waste it, so I ate my way through all of it. I am impressed and you should be too. I attended an art gallery show with Thorston and we had a grand time! I had never even stepped inside an art gallery before and let me tell you, this gallery didn't even need any paintings!!! It was already so beautifully structured! I have never seen such spectacular architecture. Sunday morning found me on a bench across from church, reading and preparing my heart for worship. An old man bicycled up to my bench and sat down next to me. He said "Gutentag" to which I replied "Gutentag!"Despite my my lack of the language, I discovered that he is in his eighties, his wife died 10 years ago, he has 4 children, 3 grandchildren, and grew up in Germany his entire life. He attends church sometimes, but not every week. He explained to me which flags stood for which countries while we watched the boats go along the Rhine. I got to tell him my dreams and my faith and ask him where he was in life when he was my age. He blessed my heart and made me miss both my grandpas. Later that afternoon, I enjoyed a lovely outing and got to ride on a flying train!!! Truly. It was suspended above the city and I floated along from platform to platform!!! I was rather giddy. During the outing, amidst all my excitement I lost my camera. I am glad I bought a cheap one! I have been enjoying eating trifle, pudding, soufle, and all these crazy Harry Potter words that are simply marvelous! The sun has been warm and lovely today, but I still have found myself to be rather glum. It is indeed a Monday for me. Keep me in your prayers. I have 2 words to share with you that will explain some of my struggles...
German paperwork.
And that is all.

Blurred

I must ask you to excuse me if my update seems a bit blurred. The truth is, the past week has been a complete blur and I am just going to start writing and hope it comes out sensibly. The Lord has dealt bountifully with me. That is the truth I have taken out of the past week, and past month since being in Germany. He has been the shade on my right hand. My strength and my treasure. I am currently lying in a bed at the Seamer's house. Stephen Seamer is the chaplain at Christ Church where I have been attending. Julia is his wife. The reason that I am sleeping here? I quite literally packed up all my belongings yesterday and left my home in Kaiserswerth. It's funny how stuffing your entire life into 3 suitcases takes an hour. God placed people in my life during the weeks I have been here that I did not realize would be such an important part of his plan for me. When I found myself with no home, no phone, no family, and 3 suitcases, God sent people that took me into their arms and supported me when I had nowhere to go in a foreign country. All my plans are rapidly changing, but what I find the strangest in the midst of so many REALLY STRANGE events is that I feel free. I feel like myself again. I didn't realize I was drowning until I got pulled out of the water. God gave me the strength to step out in faith and be on top of the waves. I dealt with conflict, I faced realities I did not want to face, I had unflinching honesty about self, world and love, I let God take the lead and show me HIS way, though it was far from where I wanted to go. Being on the other side of the storm, I see so clearly why it rained. The rain that caused me grief also taught me how to let God be my God. It let me open my heart to the wonders of the Lord's character and how he shapes my story. I know with all of my soul that I have great plans ahead of me. Any hardships that are along the way will be fought through with God at my side. I walk IN his faithfulness with his love ever BEFORE me. Bask in the picturesque glory of that statement. I could have chosen to regret traveling halfway across the world and finding myself jobless, homeless, and plan less. But despite the trials of where I was, that was what brought me to Germany. That was my ticket. Now that I am here, I have already met a vast amount of people that I would NEVER give up knowing, despite any hardships I might face. I have learned more about the world in this month than in my entire life. I am growing! I spent the afternoon peeling, dicing, and washing freshly picked apples from a tree Julia and I passed by while walking. We made an apple/blackberry crumble with them. Delicious. I went to a bible study at an Irishmen's house this evening. First time I have heard my last name spoken correctly. My entire life is up in the sky! I have no idea what is coming next and I am reveling in it. I am young and wild and adventurous! I will look back fondly on this year, even though the memories will be crevassed with pain that went deeper than ever before, and days that were the worst I have ever experienced, because molded into those memories will also be the greatest joys in my life and the most exhilarating sense of growth I have ever known. I am blessed. I am EXACTLY where God wants me. I am going to seize every day that comes my way. Carpe Diem. I am the pencil and God is my eraser!!! He truly fixes all the errors. I realize that I have not given much detail into my situation, but for privacy reasons, I will be keeping it that way. For further questions, I will be more than willing to answer (most of them) just send me an email or a message on Facebook. I love you all. Tata for now.

Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy

I was sitting at one of the train platforms waiting to meet with a man from Christ Church Dusseldorf who was going to take me to a bible study. I had never met him and had no idea who to look for. I also felt like I had gotten off at the wrong platz... Not wanting to sit in agony wondering if I was in the right place, I pulled out my bible to distract myself. A man walked by me talking on the phone. He said, "chow" before ending the call. He tapped my shoulder on when I looked up he asked me in German if I had any cigarettes. I said no and that I spoke mostly English. He immediately began speaking to me in English but it was obvious he did not know it very well. I talked with him for a few minutes just to be polite and discovered that he was from Italy, and was in Dusseldorf for college. After 10 more minutes passed and he had included "is their a special man back home," "do you have a boyfriend," and "oh you're not married" at least 2 times each, I started getting nervous. I tried reading my bible again but he didn't seem to mind talking anyways! He asked me the same questions over and over like he had forgotten the last few minutes of our conversation. That frightened me. He also kept shamelessly flirting with me and I did not know how to escape other than to get up and start running. At long last, his train arrived. He reached out, grabbed my hand and kissed it! The moment he left, I said, "Oh God, that was such a bad idea, I'm so sorry I talked to him!" Then after a few moments, I said, "You know what, I am safe, I met a man straight from Italy, and he kissed my hand!!! I will not complain about this, I will soak up such a magical moment." So I did, and it was a marvelous choice indeed. The bible study was very good and I met some wonderful and cultural people, plus some delicious Indian food!!! 

While out walking a few days ago, I saw a fox staring at me on a meadow to my right. What a beautiful creature! Guess what? I have been very productive this week! I got a bank account (which is confusing in a foreign country, I promise) and the woman who was helping me might need an Au Pair in a years time so she gave me her card and I might have another job after this one! We shall see what doors the Lord chooses to open up. Having that possibility was a moment of sunshine in my day.

The middle girl had her birthday party last Saturday, so the entire day was filled with small children, food, presents, messes, you get the point. I was drained by the evening time. Fun, but not so fun... The kids all stuffed teddy bears and I stuffed the little boys with him. I got to sew them together once the kids stuffed them with some fluff. I really enjoyed it. I had 2 glasses of champagne and some coffee, and by about 7pm I was feeling REALLY dizzy. I know that's pitiful, but I don't usually drink more than one glass of alcohol. My dreams were filled with the events of the day except changed ever so slightly so when I woke up, what had actually happened and what I had dreamed were slurred together. I have limited myself to one glass only since then...

Sunday morning, I made breakfast for the family, then got on my bike to ride along the Rhine to Christ Church Dusseldorf! I was pumped since it was my first church service since being here. Halfway through the ride it started pouring rain. My instinct was to be irritated since I had put mascara on to look fancy and now it was all going to slide off. But that irritation didn't last long. I began to laugh like a crazy person and revel in the downpour around me. If I can't stop it from raining, why bother wasting negative energy on it? I was going to church to worship God, not look fancy. I even biked a bit fast and had time to stop at a cafe and have some hot coffee while I studied my bible. The service was not what I expected, and I haven't given a definite opinion on it yet, but I know for sure that I love the people there. They are so welcoming. I enjoyed the afternoon with the family I met at the first home group I attended. They are so wonderful! Their children are so adorable. We went to a festival in their village and it was so cultural! Their were hundreds of Germans in crazy costumes parading around the streets, singing, dancing, marching, playing music, riding horses, sitting in carriages being pulled by Clydesdales, shooting guns, the list goes on and on. I soaked it in while drinking ONE mug of beer. 

I met with the chaplain of Christ Church today and really enjoyed the company of a strong church leader. It was comforting. I have met a lot of new people and have been in touch with a lot of new people that I hope to meet in the future. I am excited as I continue stepping with God through each day. All I can do is focus on the day ahead of me. Looking forward more then that will put me in a state of panic! I have trained my mind not to wander, but to be in the moment I am in. 

The little boy and I went to a music class on Monday and it was one of those 'out of the movies' moments, where I sit down with him in a circle with 7 other mom's and toddlers. The entire class was in German so I could not memorize ANY of the songs! I followed along as best I could without looking like a total idiot, as we did various exercises with the kids. He stayed very clingy and lovey dovey with me since he did not know anyone. I can't say I minded. At one point, the kids would run to specified parts of the room and make music with the walls, cabinets, etc. He would come running back to me every time and jump into my arms, kissing me and squeezing me. I had never felt that bond with him so strongly. It was a good step. He is becoming attached to me and I am loving it! The girls are very easy to talk and relate to. Anytime I spend alone with them, they become glued to my side, holding my hand, sitting by me at the table, talking endlessly to me. I am glad I don't feel quite as alienated as the first week!!! 

Easy peasy lemon squeezy. The little boy about dies laughing every time I say that. He tries to repeat it but can't even come close. It is beyond adorable. I wish I could say that my life here is easy peasy lemon squeezy. But then again, where would be the growth if there was no challenge? I still don't know what I was thinking when I bought my ticket to Germany. It was so out of the blue and though it seems sensible to doubt myself, I can't. Every time I try, this sense of peace and confidence comes over me. I know this is where I should be. I made the right choice. It wasn't an easy choice but this year is going to refine me. This morning, I cried the entire way through getting ready for the day. I miss my family. I miss my home. But today was one of my better days here, despite the rough start. I cried out to God to be my comfort and I sought His words through the Psalms during any breaks in my day. I sought his love and faithfulness and he answered me! He comforts me. He fills up all my empty spaces.